War Wife
by rachelstarberry38
Summary: Finn gets unexpectedly called to war just when Rachel is trying to convince him to have a baby with her. When he leaves, Rachel spends lots of time with Kurt and Quinn and they start to try and pressure her into things she doesn't want to do. Finchel is endgame. Please enjoy! I know you will love this if you love Finchela s much as I do!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"**Hey Finn, can you come help me do the laundry? I'm watching Ellen and Quinn's on!" Rachel yelled from her and Finn's bedroom to the kitchen**

"**Okay, be there in a minute," He was sitting at the table reading a letter. It wasn't anything good. It was something he needed to show his wife. Finn walked into the bedroom and began folding some of his pants.**

"**What were you reading?" She curiously asked, watching Quinn talk about her love life. **

"**Um… Quinn's on here a lot, isn't she?" Finn smiled uneasily changing the subject.**

"**What's wrong, baby?" Rachel caught onto his nervousness.**

"**Oh...um...is she talking about you?" He heard Quinn say 'my friend from high school is married to my ex-boyfriend that I cheated on.'**

"**Finn, I'm serious."**

"**So am I."**

"**Finn!"**

"**What?" He looked her in the eyes.**

"**What did the letter say?" She sat on the bed and waited for her husband to tell her about the mail.**

"**It was just a..." He mumbled to himself. He knew he needed to tell her eventually.**

"**Just a what?" She looked at Finn's troubled look.**

"**A problem with the...uh...with the contract for that thing we do with Kate and Cam for the war..."**

"**What kind of a problem?" She stood up, scared. **

"**It states that I need to take part in the war for at least 18 months, from March 2012 to August 2013. They tricked me by gluing two pages together so I would miss that one. We both signed it but it says only one of us has to go and I won't let you."**

"**What the h***!" She yelled, very mad, as she ran into his arms. He hugged her tightly around the waist. She burst into tears and hugged Finn so tight he felt strangled. **

"**Baby, it's gonna be okay! It's fine." He held her tight. She soaked up his shirt and he kissed her head.**

"**Am I being prank'd?" She was too angry to laugh. "Oh my God."**

"**It's okay, baby, we're gonna be fine! It's only a year and a half! It's okay!" He squeezed her close.**

"**I'm so confused that I don't know what to say. Please don't go! I need you here with me. Please!" She cried so hard into his arms. He pulled her closer to his chest.**

"**I have to, baby. It's not a choice. I love you, okay? I love you so much. I'm not gonna leave you because I'm gonna be here the whole time. I'll write to you and Skype you and I'll call you whenever I can. I'll be missing you every single day. Do you trust me to never forget about you?" He kissed her forehead and backed up to look at her.**

"**How am I supposed to live without you?" She felt herself explode as she heard Quinn say something about Finn and being in a happy relationship with his best friend. She threw her phone at the TV.**

"**I don't know, baby, but we'll make it through this, we've made it through everything else in this relationship. We've been apart for a lot longer than 18 months. I don't know how I'll live without you either." He felt his eyes get wet as she fell into his arms. By then, her face and hair were drenched. He couldn't stand seeing her this torn apart. He felt the tears pouring down his face. She pulled away and slammed her lips against his. He kissed her with as much passion as he could. He knew he needed her. He knew he wouldn't survive in the war without her. He might die. 18 months was a LONG time. He loved her too much to leave her. What would she do if he died? Would she just forget he existed and move on? Would she miss him like crazy? Would she crawl back to Jesse or Puck? No. She would never forget him. He was her 'one and only', right? As he was thinking about this, she was kissing him all over his face, licking off his tears. "Baby, what would you do if I died?"**

"**I would die, too. I really, really love you! Don't you dare die, Finn." She said sternly kissing his lips. "Just don't."**

"**I promise I won't. You're my reason to stay alive."**

**It was the Sunday before the Monday that Finn was leaving. Rachel had barely stopped crying and Finn couldn't stop loving her. **

"**Rachel, I know you want to look perfect but I thought you looked perfect in the first outfit and the 2****nd****, 3****rd****, 4****th****, and 5****th****! Can we please go? I want to spend as much time as I can with you until I leave tomorrow." Finn yelled into the bathroom. Just then, Rachel walked out wearing a nice, yellow, one shoulder dress that went down to the middle of her thighs. The waist line was covered with a belt look with two gray lines about an inch apart. Her hair was wavy and she pulled her bangs to the side. She was wearing the beautiful, silver earrings Finn got her for her birthday along with a few other extremely expensive items. Rarely did Rachel ever wear makeup and this was no exception. She had light blush and a little lip gloss. "You look beautiful, though."**

"**Thanks. You look nice, too. Let's go." Rachel walked out the door holding Finn's hand. He kissed her cheek and opened the car door for her. She stepped in and turned on the stereo. "I made you a CD."**

**The song 'Faithfully' played loudly in Finn's ears as Rachel sang to him. "Awesome! What other songs are on it?"**

"**Mr. Schue recorded a version of 'Pretending' and 'Get it Right'. I downloaded 'Open Your Heart', 'Borderline', 'No Air', and 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart'. This one's my favorite though." She pressed the skip button a few time and sad, slow music began to play. She sang the words softly at first.**

_Hey there stranger, how you been Feels like I'm standing on the outside looking in At the mess we left behind And it's a long way to fall I gave you everything I had I gave it all And then my heart was on the line  
I can't hate you Any longer  
I know I'm going to miss you I'll forget it and let it go.  
_**She began to sing louder as Finn realized what song she was singing.**

_Say hello to goodbye, cause it's gone forever No more try, you and I Not now, not ever And I'll get by without you I'm not going back again I'm not going to lie to you Cause, that was there and only then.  
Say hello to goodbye Say hello...  
And this is how it has to be Cause it's a deadly combination, you and me You know it's undeniable Even though we tried it all We brought the worst out in each other I recall We can't act it anymore  
What doesn't kill you It makes you stronger And though I'm going to miss you I'll forget it and let you go  
Say hello to good-bye  
It's gone forever No more try, you and I Not now, not ever And I'll get by without you I'm not going back again I'm not going to lie to you Cause, that was there and only then.  
Say hello to goodbye Say hello...  
And even though the tears will dry I can't completely disconnect  
Couldn't make the compromise __Didn't have a safety net  
__Say hello to goodbye Hey ya ya  
Say hello, goodbye  
Say hello to good-bye It's gone forever No more try, you and I  
Not now, not ever _And I'll get by without you I'm not going back again I'm not going to lie to you Cause, that was there and only then.  
Say hello, to goodbye Say hello, to goodbye Say hello, hello To goodbye.

**She felt tears falling down her face. He looked at her. "What does that mean?"**

"**What?"**

"**What were you trying to say in that song?" He asked her as he glanced ahead and pulled into a parking spot. "Say hello to goodbye?"**

"**I don't know. It just felt...right. Let's go in. I'm starving." She started to unbuckle her seat belt. **

"**You can't sing me a sad song like that and pretend it didn't happen. Why did you pick that song?" He stopped her from leaving.**

"**I just thought it might tell you what I think. You're leaving and I don't want you to. I'm just trying to show you how much I'll miss you." She opened the door and walked into the fancy restaurant**_. _**A waitress named Chloe showed them their table and she began to take their drink order. **

"**Hi, I'm Chloe, and I'll be your waitress for the evening. Can I start you off with some drinks?" Chloe smiled at Finn and Rachel glared at her.**

"**I just want some very strong wine." Rachel looked at Chloe.**

"**And you, sir?" She giggled.**

"**I just want a Coke or Pepsi or something like that. Thanks." He smiled at Chloe as she walked over to the kitchen. "Well I'm going to miss you, too. Just don't hook up with some hot celebrity while I'm gone!" He laughed.**

"**I can't believe you think this is funny." She looked over at the table a few feet away. There was a man and a woman. They were obviously married because they both wore rings and the woman was pregnant and they kept kissing. Rachel wanted a baby. She wanted Finn to stay though, too. It didn't matter what she wanted. **

"**I don't. What are you looking at?" He glanced in the direction Rachel was looking in.**

"**I want a baby." She sighed. Another couple walked in with a few kids, one looked around 7 or 8 and one looked 4 or 5.**

"**What?" He was shocked. "I'm leaving and we're only 24."**

"**I told you I wanted a family with you. I want to have a baby. I'm tired of wanting things that I can't get. Aren't you?" She knew he thought it was too soon for a baby.**

"**We can think about it more when I get home." Finn saw Chloe walking toward them.**

"**I'll still want a baby when you get home. And by then I will be 25." She took her wine out of Chloe's hand and slammed half the glass. "Delicious. Thank you." Chloe walked away.**

"**Rachel, don't drink too much." Finn warned her. She was NOT a fun drunk.**

"**Why? You won't be here for my hangover anyways. I'll be left alone in our bedroom watching TV and crying when I see Quinn win another award or star in another movie." She sighed and drank her wine.**

"**Baby, just don't. I don't want you to be as miserable as I am going to be tomorrow while people are trying to kill me. You can't torture yourself like that. I won't let you." He picked up her hand and kissed it.**

"**Fine. But I'm drinking whether you like it or not." She consumed the last half. "Refill!" **

**After a few hours of laughing and crying and clinging to Finn, Rachel was so drunk she could barely stand up. Finn helped her walk to the car and drove her home. When there, Rachel kissed his lips and pulled him inside. He kissed her hard and brought her into the bedroom. She fell onto the bed and dragged him on top of her. They lied there making out for a half hour and eventually ended up doing other things. :)**


	2. Chapter 2: Fun Friends

**Chapter 2**

"**Good morning sunshine!" Finn woke up and kissed Rachel's ear. "Sleep well?"**

"**Perfect. My head hurts really bad and my stomach aches. I think I might have barfed last night."**

"**You did, seven times." He smiled and flipped on top of her. "Other then that how did you sleep?"**

"**Pretty good. I had a few night mares and I don't remember much of what we did but I think I slept well other then that." She kissed his lips.**

"**I love you."**

"**I love you too." She giggled and flipped out of bed. "I need to bring you to the airport."**

"**Rachel, you have an extreme hangover. Let's take a taxi." He walked over to the side of the bed that Rachel was sitting on and sat next to her. **

"**Fine, but we have to pay with our savings for Disney." She ran into the closet and Finn walked in behind her carrying her bra.**

"**Rachel, you're forgetting something." He walked into the closet and put on his uniform, then ran into the living room, still holding Rachel's bra. **

"**Finn Hudson, give that back right now!" She yelled and chased him through the apartment. "Please!"**

**He stopped to catch a breath and held her bra as high as he could so she would have to jump to get it. She jumped up a few times and decided he wasn't being fair. She reached her arms around his neck and pulled herself up. She wrapped her legs around his waist. He knew she was close so he ran into the bedroom with her hanging on him. They ran around like this for a half hour until he finally stopped running so she could get down and get dressed. "That was fun." Finn laughed as Rachel slipped a pair of sweats on.**

"**It would've been more fun if I wouldn't have been hanging on you naked!" She giggled and through a purse at Finn. "Hold this."**

"**I'm sorry, baby, let me make it up to you!" he walked over and kissed her. "I love you so much."**

"**I love you, too. Don't ever take my bra again or I'll seriously kill you!" She joked and smiled at him.**

**They spent an hour getting ready and kissing and laughing as Finn told Rachel about all of the strange things she does when she's drunk. She was always saying stuff like 'did I really sing that terrible song?' or 'did I seriously make out with a painting of George Washington and Betsy Ross?' He even told her about the stripper that was flirting with her. "Seems like I had lots of fun!" She laughed and shoved Finn as they walked outside and toward the car. They decided to drive to avoid the cost of a cab. "I just realized where we're actually going." She sighed.**

"**Yeah. I'm really scared. Don't tell Puck." He turned on the CD. "We can''t listen to 'Say Hello to Goodbye' because it will make me miss you more."**

"**Fine. Have you thought about having a baby yet?" She smiled at the thought of having a family with Finn.**

"**A little bit. You?" He turned the corner. **

"**A lot. I really want a baby. Can we please have one when you get home?" She looked at her husband. "I really want to have a family with you."**

"**And I want a family with you, too, but are you sure you're ready for that? I mean we're 24 and we've only been married for six years. When I get home, we can consider it. I promise." He grinned. **

"**Consider it?" She knew he would forget and not want to when he got home. "I want a baby, Finn."**

"**And so do I but I think we need to think about it a little more. I promise we will have a baby someday. Maybe just not right away." He knew she wanted a baby, bad. **

"**I want three kids, Finn. I want a kid that's going to be old enough to celebrate my 30****th** **birthday with us. I want our youngest child to tell the teacher about his or her older siblings and the teacher will know them. I missed out on knowing my teachers ahead of time because I didn't have an older sibling. All I want is three kids to love that will love me back." She thought about getting to walk her little five year old girl to the bus on her first day of school. She thought about preparing her for prom and giving her dating advice. She thought about watching her graduate from high school and having her own wedding and baby. She thought about them shopping together when she was an old lady. She began to cry. "Do you not want that?"**

"**Of course I want that, baby, just not right now." He rubbed her back to comfort her. **

"**Well I want it now." She lied her head on his shoulder. "Why wait?"**

"**I don't know. I don't think we need a baby right now. All I need is you," He said as he reached his arm around her neck.**

"**I don't **_**need **_**a baby, Finn, I **_**want **_**a baby and I want it now!" She laughed.**

"**I thought we went through this already, Rach!" He raised his voice, just a little bit.**

"**Come on, Finn! Just promise me you will try to get me pregnant when you get home!" She yelled at him. She really wanted that baby!**

"**I can't promise anything! I'm not sure I'm ready for a responsibility like that! I can barely take care of you!" He yelled back at her as he parked at the airport.**

"**Would you leave me if I got pregnant?" **

"**I would never leave you."**

"**I might leave you if you won't let me get pregnant!" She yelled at him while he looked at the steering wheel and his eyes watered.**

"**I should uh...I should probably go before I miss my flight." He glanced over at Rachel and reached his hand to the handle on the door. **

"**Don't leave me like this. I'm not gonna see you for a year and a half and I don't want to be mad at you for so long. Please don't leave." She leaned her head on his shoulder.**

"**I love you, you know that, right? I have to leave. I'll call you, okay?" He smiled and kissed Rachel one last time. She clung to his shirt and couldn't let go. **

"**I just realized how much I'll miss you." She cried in his arms. "God I love you!"**

"**I'm gonna miss you, too, baby! I love you so much. You're my reason to stay alive." He hugged her so tight...**

"**Oh my God, Finn. I love you so much." She pulled away. "I'll miss you."**

"**I know and I love you and will miss you, too. I need to go." He opened the door and stepped out of the car. **

"**I can't believe this is happening. I love you." She took a breath and waited for one more tear to fall down her face. "Goodbye..."**

"**Goodbye..." He walked a little further and shut the door. She burst into tears as he walked to the door of the airport, waved to her, and blew her a kiss. She couldn't find the strength to blow him a kiss back. Her tears were interrupted by her phone buzzing. **

"**Hello?" She managed to answer.**

"**Hey girl! What's wrong?" Quinn Fabray's voice rung in Rachel's ear.**

"**Quinn?" She was shocked to hear her high school friend's sound. **

"**Yeah...so what's wrong? Are you crying?" She knew she was.**

"**Um...yeah."**

"**What happened?" Quinn had no idea about Finn and the war since she hadn't talked to either of them for a year since she had been busy being a pop star and actress. **

"**I...Finn...he uh...he's in the...I just dropped him off at the airport so he could uh...go to the war."**

"**Seriously?" Quinn's jaw dropped at Rachel's words. **_**WAR?**_

"**Yeah." Was all Rachel could say through her tears. **_**YES WAR!**_

"**Wow..."**

"**So...um... why did you call?" Rachel tried to smile. She **_**was **_**talking to her OBFF (old best friend forever).**

"**Right...I was planning on filming the first episode of my new TV series in New York, but the director canceled. We're filming in May instead. He already but my ticket and it isn't refundable so I get a free vacation to NYC! I'm at the airport in LA right now. What are you doing this week? Since Finn is 'out of town' kind of we should have a girl's week. We do have to be careful for paparazzi though. What do you say?" Quinn got excited at the thought of seeing Rachel again.**

"**I'm not in the mood to be fun and happy and I really don't want to drink because my hangover is the worst I've ever had from last night!" She laughed a little then stopped.**

"**Come on, we don't have to drink. I just want a break from being 'Quinn Fabray: Big Star' and start to be 'Quinn: Fun Young Adult' again! Please?"**

"**Fine! I missed you anyways. Call me when you get here!" She smiled. **_**YAY!**_

"**I just got on the plane so I should be there in a little over five hours. Probable by 5:30 or so tonight."**

"**Sounds great, Q. See you then!" Rachel hung up and crawled to the driver's seat.**

"**Rachel Barbra Hudson-Berry!" Quinn yelled across the airport. Rachel heard her and ran to her friend. She wrapped her arms around Quinn and smiled.**

"**Hey!" She looked at Quinn's appearance: dark sunglasses and a hood covering her hair. She was wearing a nice purple sweatshirt and skinny jeans with black Uggs.**

"**Don't say my name!" She giggled.**

"**Lucy!" Rachel laughed.**

"**Ha-ha."**

"**What should we do first? We could go to this really fun karaoke bar called 'Smash'! Or we could go see a play! My friend Kate is going to see Wicked tonight!" Rachel hugged Quinn again.**

"**Smash for old time's sake!" They walked out into the parking lot and got in Rachel's car. They drove to Rachel's apartment. Quinn changed into a very colorful but still hot dress of Rachel's with a jean jacket and black tights and boots with the slightest heel. Rachel changed into a casual black tank top and holy short-shorts. They both grabbed their purses and headed down the street.**

"**Hey everybody, welcome to Smash! It's 6:00 which means it's time to start our karaoke night! Hold it...is that Quinn Fabray?" The announcer, Tony, asked the audience as Rachel and Quinn walked in.**

"**Oh no." Quinn whispered. "Yep."**

"**Quinn, you have to sing for us!" Tony yelled.**

"**Not without Rachel!" She yelled as she grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her onstage. "Lets go girl!"**

**Quinn:**

_I had a way then losing it all on my own I had a heart then but the queen has been overthrown And I'm not sleeping now, the dark is too hard to beat And I'm not keeping now the strength I need to push me_

**Quinn and Rachel:**

_You show the lights that stop me turn to stone You shine it when I'm alone And so I tell myself that I'll be strong And dreaming when they're gone  
'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home Calling, calling, calling home You show the lights that stop me turn to stone You shine it when I'm alone  
Home_

**Rachel:**

_Noises, I __play_ _within my head Touch my own skin and hope that I'm still breathing And I think back to when my brother of my sister slept In an unknown place the only time I feel safe_

**Quinn and Rachel:**

_You show the lights that stop me turn to stone You shine it when I'm alone And so I tell myself that I'll be strong And dreaming when they're gone  
'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home Calling, calling, calling home You show the lights that stop me turn to stone You shine it when I'm alone  
Home_

**Quinn:**

_Yeah, hee_

_Light, lights, lights, lights_

**Rachel:**

_Lights, lights, lights, lights_

**Quinn and Rachel:**

_Light, lights, lights, lights Light, lights_

_You show the lights that stop me turn to stone You shine it when I'm alone And so I tell myself that I'll be strong And dreaming when they're gone  
'Cause they're calling, calling, calling me home Calling, calling, calling home You show the lights that stop me turn to stone You shine it when I'm alone  
Home, home Light, lights, lights, lights Light, lights, lights, lights  
Home, home Light, lights, lights, lights Light, lights, lights, lights  
Home, home Light, lights, lights, lights Light, lights, lights, lights  
Home, home Light, lights, lights, lights Light, lights, lights, lights _

**The crowd went wild as Quinn and Rachel bowed. "That was awesome!" Rachel laughed as she hugged Quinn.**

"**So how do you know Quinn, miss?" Tony asked Rachel. **

"**We were best friends in high school! Her husband is my ex-boyfriend!" Quinn giggled and hugged Rachel back. "Best friends!"**

"**Besties!" Rachel laughed.**

"**Amazing girls!" Tony smiled at Quinn and Rachel as they ran to the bar. **

"**I want a beer!" Quinn screamed.**

"**Make that two!" Rachel ran with Quinn to the dance floor. They danced for hours and took breaks to talk about boring stuff but after a few hours they were so intoxicated they couldn't feel their feet.**

"**Let's go back to my apartment!" Rachel stumbled to the door. "TAXI!" A taxi pulled up and Rachel and Quinn crawled into the backseat. They laughed and cried for a few minutes while the driver drove them to Rachel's place. Rachel payed him and ran to the door of the building holding Quinn's hand. Quinn giggled a lot and changed into her Pj's. She climbed into Rachel and Finn's bed. **

"**I'm exhausted!" Quinn sighed. "Are you gonna go to sleep?"**

"**In a minute!" Rachel laughed again and ran into the kitchen. She picked up her phone to find a missed call from the love of her life. He left a message...**

**'Hey baby! I know I just left today but I miss you already! Please call me back before you go to sleep. I need to hear your voice. I'm available until around 9:30. Love you! By the way this is Finn!' The voice cut off as Rachel glanced at the clock: 11:56. Crap.**

"**Quinn, it's 11:56!" Rachel started to cry as she listened to his message and over and over again. He sounded so sweet. She dialed his number and got his voice mail. 'Hey it's Finn. Sorry I can't talk now. Please leave a message and I'll call back as soon as I can.' She decided to leave a message for him to hear her voice. "Hey baby! It's Rachel. I got your message. Sorry I didn't answer you earlier. I miss you already too! I met up with Quinn because she's visiting NYC for a little while. I love you a lot and I've been thinking about you all night! Please call me when you get the chance tomorrow or whenever you can. I love you so much! Bye..."**

**The next morning, Quinn woke up with the world's worst hangover. "Oh my God Rach my head! Does yours hurt this bad?"**

"**Not at all. You drank A LOT more than I did! Plus you don't drink very often so it does more damage to you!" Rachel laughed and flipped a pancake. Her phone started buzzing and she ran as fast as a cheetah. "Hello?" She answered anxiously.**

"**Hey baby! I can only talk for like a minute but I needed to call you! How are you? How's Quinn?" Finn was super excited.**

"**Hey! Quinn's great and super famous! We went to Smash last night and had an awesome time while I figured out what she's like when she's drunk. I never stopped thinking about you though! How was your day yesterday?" Rachel smiled at Quinn.**

"**It was fine. I can only talk on the phone every other Sunday and we usually have to use a payphone so yeah..."**

"**That stinks."**

"**I have to go. I'll call you when I get the chance! Love you! Bye." She heard the line cut off.**

"**Bye." She took a breath. **


	3. Chapter 3: Reunions and Realizations

**Hey! Thank you for your reviews! I hope you will enjoy this chapter! I spent alot of time on it! **

**Chapter 3**

"**These pancakes are delicious!" Quinn laughed as Rachel sat down next to her.**

"**I know. I made them from a box." Rachel sighed.**

"**Hey, Rach, you can't dwell on Finn, just try to have some fun like last night! You only have me for a month; let's make it last!" Quinn giggled and took a bite of her pancake. "He's just another man."**

"**It's not like that. I love him."**

"**Forget about it. Just enjoy yourself while I'm here!"**

"**Fine," Rachel picked up her glass and filled it with orange juice. "Kurt wants to meet us at the mall later."**

"**Awesome! I haven't talked to him in forever!" **

**Later, they were changing and Quinn kept talking about her boyfriend. "Who is he anyways?"**

"**Adam Levine!" Quinn got dreaming eyes.**

"**Hot! Are you serious?" Rachel loved Adam Levine!**

"**Dead serious! Maybe I can get him to come to New York and sing at Smash!" **

"**That would be SO awesome!" Rachel high-fived Quinn.**

"**He's pretty hot." She laughed.**

"**I agree!" Rachel threw a dress at Quinn.**

"**This is cute!" **

"**QUINN!" Kurt hugged Quinn.**

"**Keep it down and don't say my full name!" Quinn ran to a bench.**

"**Kurt, guess who Quinn's dating? Dark hair, hunky, tall, talented, hot, singer," Rachel laughed at Kurt's stupidity. "Maroon 5..."**

"**OMG! Quinn! Adam Levine is your boyfriend?" Kurt shouted as a crowd of people an over to Quinn including a news reporter. **

"**Can I get your autograph?" "QUINN FABRAY!" "Hug me!" "Will you be my girlfriend?"**

"**Quinn, may I ask what you are doing at the NYC mall? And who are these two?" The reporter asked.**

"**Hi...these are my friends, Rachel and Kurt from high school." Quinn sighed. "They both live in New York."**

"**Awesome! Snap some pics!" They took hundreds of pictures that were in the newspaper the next day. **

"**This is why I didn't want you to say my name!" Quinn smiled at the camera as Rachel and Kurt posed. Just then, Tina ran up, hearing her friend's name.**

"**OMG! QUINN!" Tina hugged Quinn, Rachel, and Kurt. "How are you guys?"**

"**Hey Tina, do you live here, too?" Quinn ignored the paparazzi. **

"**Totally, Mike is in college here!" Tina laughed.**

"**Leave me alone! You guys are freaks! I'm trying to have a good time with my friends that I haven't seen in years!" Quinn screamed at a guy that was taking a close-up of her hair. "Let's go, Rach." **

"**Okay…" Rachel and Kurt sighed and Tina followed Quinn into Claire's. **

"**I like these headbands!" Tina slipped on a headband with a mini top hat on it surrounded by netting. Rachel and Quinn put one on their heads as well and Kurt took a picture. "Perfect!"**

"**Hello?" Quinn picked up her iPhone. "OMG! Hey girl!" She answered the same way as she did with Rachel. "Yeah, where are you? I'd love to meet up while I'm still here." It had to be a high school friend! "Great! Rachel and Kurt keep talking about you, too. Mostly Rachel though! See you then! Bye Cedes!" Quinn hung up. "We're meeting Mercedes at Smash! LOL!" **

"**Yay, I miss her!" Kurt smiled.**

**Kurt threw a blue dress at Rachel, "Wear this, Rach, blue is your color!"**

"**I though yellow was my color?" Rachel smiled and tossed a yellow sundress with white polka dots at Quinn. "You'll look great in this."**

"**Yellow and blue both look amazing on you, Rach!" Tina slipped on a black vest with a white short sleeved shirt over her black skinny jeans.**

"**Whatever. I just want to have some fun and forget about Finn and look hot doing it." Rachel posed in the mirror and did her hair.**

"**What about Finn? Where is he?" Tina was thinking he left her or something.**

"**I don't want to talk about it." Rachel left the walk-in closet and locked herself in the bathroom and sunk down with her back against the door. Tears drizzled down her face. **_**Finn is in the process of dying and I'm partying with our old high school friends. I'm getting drunk while he's risking his life for the country that I'm living in. I'm a terrible wife, a terrible friend, a terrible person. I can't forget about him just because it hurts to think about him! I miss him so much! I want him to come home and kiss me and hug me and snuggle me close to his body at night. I miss his touch! I can't live. What am I supposed to do? **_**Rachel cried into her knees and turned on her phone to view her photos: Finn and her at the empire state building on their anniversary, Finn and Kurt hugging as a joke, Finn holding Rachel's cousin's baby, Finn and Rachel kissing on new year's eve in Times Square, Finn with his mom and Burt in Ohio, Finn talking on the phone trying to stop Rachel from taking a picture of him, a photo-booth picture of Finn and Rachel, Finn pretending to paint his nails, Finn sleeping, Rachel laughing because Finn was taking pictures on her phone, and so many more of Finn and Rachel or just Finn or just Rachel. She threw her phone at the wall and it made a large dent. **

"**Rachel, are you okay?" Kurt knocked on the wooden door.**

"**No, I'm not okay!" Rachel screamed. **

"**Rach let me in." Kurt laughed and Rachel unlocked the door. She collapsed into his arms. "It's okay, sweetie."**

"**No it's not! Finn is dying! He is dying for you and me and Quinn and Tina and everyone in this stupid country!" Rachel shrieked. Quinn and Tina ran in and joined the hug. **

"**Sweetie, you need to relax! Finn is fine!" Quinn sighed. **_**This is getting old!**_** Quinn thought.**

"**No he's not! I can't relax! The person that I love is being killed! I keep drinking and partying when he's missing me every second!"**

"**Rachel, you'll be fine. Let's just go!" Tina pulled Rachel out the door.**


	4. Chapter 4: The First of Many Nightmares

**Hey! Thank you for your support with my story! It means a lot to me! I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**Chapter 4.**

**Mercedes:**

_Lately, I've been stuck imagining what I wanna do and what I really think  
Time to blow out  
Be a little inappropriate, 'cause I know that everybody's thinkin' it when the light's out_

**Quinn:**

_Shame on me  
to need release  
uncontrollably_

**Mercedes, Quinn, Rachel (half-heartedly), Kurt, and Tina:**

_I-I-I wanna go-oh-oh all the way-ay-ay  
Taking out my freak tonight  
I-I-I wanna show-oh-oh all the dirt-irt-irt I got runnin' through my mind, whoa oh_

_I-I-I wanna go-oh-oh all the way-ay-ay  
Taking out my freak tonight  
I-I-I wanna show-oh-oh all the dirt-irt-irt I got runnin' through my mind, whoa oh_

**Kurt:**

_Lately, people got me all tied up  
There's a countdown waitin' for me to erupt  
Time to blow out_

**Tina:**

_I've been told who I should do it with, to keep both my hands above the blank-blanket when the light's out_

**Quinn:**

_Shame on me  
to need release  
uncontrollably_

**Mercedes, Quinn, Rachel (half-heartedly), Kurt, and Tina:**

_I-I-I wanna go-oh-oh all the way-ay-ay  
Taking out my freak tonight  
I-I-I wanna show-oh-oh all the dirt-irt-irt I got runnin' through my mind, whoa oh_

_I-I-I wanna go-oh-oh all the way-ay-ay  
Taking out my freak tonight  
I-I-I wanna show-oh-oh all the dirt-irt-irt I got runnin' through my mind, whoa oh_

**Quinn:**

_Shame on me (shame on me)  
to need release (to need release)  
uncontrollably (uncontrollably, lably, lably, lably-bly-bly-bly-bly-bly)_

**Mercedes, Quinn, Rachel (half-heartedly), Kurt, and Tina:**

_I-I-I wanna go-oh-oh all the way-ay-ay  
Taking out my freak tonight  
I-I-I wanna show-oh-oh all the dirt-irt-irt I got runnin' through my mind, whoa oh_

**The song came to a slow finish as the crowd screamed and the boys went crazy begging for Quinn's attention while the girls cheered her on and admired her talent. Rachel glanced at the clock and sighed. 9:38. Ugh.**

"**Come on Rach! Stop being such a party pooper, you're depressing us!" Mercedes laughed.**

"**I'm glad that you think my husband dying is funny." The sarcasm slipped out of Rachel's mouth.**

"**Jeez, Rach," Mercedes laughed and continued to talk about her 'amazing and super fun' single life.**

"**I'm gonna go try calling Finn so I can listen to his voicemail." Rachel slithered through the dancing crowd to the bathrooms. She dialed Finn's number and began to cry…again. 'Hey it's Finn. Sorry I can't talk now. Please leave a message and I'll call back as soon as I can.' She sat in the stall for about seven minutes crying and listening to his voicemail. **_**God I miss him so much. **_**She was bawling while sitting on the toilet and blowing her nose with a piece of toilet paper. She couldn't stop crying. She knew she would never make it a year much less a year and a half! She couldn't live with herself if Finn died. **

"**Rachel, I'm really sorry." Mercedes knocked on the stall door.**

"**Leave me alone." Rachel felt herself die a little more inside. Every second she got closer to dying.**

"**Rach, please understand. I didn't mean to say I that I was happy Finn is in the war. I just meant you need to get your mind off of him." She heard Rachel bawling and she felt terrible.**

"**Don't you get it? I love him so much, Mercedes! I can't take my mind off of him! I can't just hook up with some random bar tender like you can! I have a husband who loves me and cares about me! I need him! I love him and care about him! When we were singing that song, all I could think about was how hurt he would feel if I found another guy who could satisfy me! He would be devastated!" She screamed at the top of her lungs and didn't care about losing her voice. "It's okay though Mercedes because all that really matters in life is single men and partying!"**

"**Rachel, come out of there." Mercedes said calmly as Rachel came out and hugged her.**

"**I miss him so much."**

"**I know you do, sweetie." Mercedes hugged Rachel close to her. "I know."**

"**Is everything okay in here?" Quinn walked in and saw Rachel in Mercedes' arms. "I'm sorry I interrupted."**

**By 3:49 am, the girls finally headed home. Quinn fell asleep on Rachel's couch and Tina crashed in the shower. Kurt was lying on the counter in the kitchen and Mercedes was on the floor in the living room. Rachel, however, was lying in her own bed and was asleep but not truly asleep. She was having a nightmare. _Finn ran into a small building nearby followed by Cam (his close friend and Rachel's friend Kate's husband). Finn tripped on a board and fell onto the floor as an enemy appeared, crashing through a window. The enemy took out his gun and fired it at Cam six times to make sure he was dead. Finn stayed still in the darkness on the floor but the opponent tripped on him and shot quickly into Finn's leg. Finn lied there screaming and crying but no one was near. He was left to die. He found a piece of paper nearby with a pencil and wrote a small note: Rachel, I want you to know that I love you and I will always be with you. I love you so much but I can't live through this. Please don't ever forget me. –Finn. Just then, he took his last breath and passed away. _Rachel woke up screaming and bawling yet again. **

"**Rachel, are you okay?" Quinn rushed into the room.**

"**No! I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared. God get me my phone!" She cried. Quinn grabbed Rachel's phone. Rachel dialed a very familiar number she had known for a long time.**

"**Hello?" A crabby Carole Hudson-Hummel answered the phone.**

"**Carole! I'm freaking out! I'm having a panic attack! I'm so scared! I just had the worst nightmare ever about Finn and I need to talk to somebody who loves him as much as I do! Please help me!" Rachel felt herself sobbing into the phone. "I need you!"**

"**Oh. Hi Rachel. Yes. I'm here. We can talk." Carole yawned. **

"**I can't do this for 18 months, Carole. I just can't. What can I do?" She wept out every word. **

"**Sweetie, I miss Finn a lot. I know you miss him a lot more than I do because you live with him and see him every day but I understand." Carole yawned four times.**

"**How do I get rid of the pain?"**

"**You can't. You can't forget him because that won't work. Don't try to hook up with a stripper because that makes you feel really guilty. I had a husband in the war, too. I missed him every day. And Rachel I swear I was in h*** the entire time. It's hard. I know. You'll get through it. Soon, he'll be back home and you'll be happier than ever." She heard Rachel's tears drop onto her phone. **

"**He's only been gone for two weeks and it feels like he should be home already." Rachel whimpered. **_**17 ½ months left! OMG!**_

"**I know Rachel, I know. Just cry some more and eventually you'll run out of tears. Crying is good for you, sweetie. Now, I want you to write Finn a letter. You don't have to send it but I want you to write it. It needs to say exactly how you feel. Tell him what you've done since he left. It will help the pain. Okay? Do you promise?" Carole sounded like a therapist.**

"**You're the best mom ever. I love you so much!" Rachel smiled. At least she had one person who felt her pain and has been in the same situation. She had Carole and Carole loved her a lot. Carole wasn't as insensitive as her friends. At that moment, Rachel felt happier than she had ever felt since Finn left. This might not be as bad as she thought as long as she can rely on Carole's friendship, help, and love.**

**Hey! What did you think? I really like the Carole-Rachel friendship for some reason and I think it's important that they stick together. I think I will write one or two chapters from Finn's POV. I have a few ideas about the next chapter but I could really use some help! Please comment! I'm really enjoying writing this story! Thanks for reading! **


	5. Chapter 5: Finally a Real Conversation

**Chapter 5**

**_Dear Finn Hudson,_**

**_Hey, it's Rachel. I just want to let you know that I love you and I miss you a lot. Your mom told me I should write you a letter and it seemed like a good idea. I don't want you to worry about me but I'm really scared. I cry for hours every day and I have terrible nightmares every night. Quinn, Mercedes, Tina, and Kurt have been spending a lot of time with me. They keep calling me a party pooper. Mercedes seems to think that because you are in the war, I am considered single. She wants me to hook up with some random guy. We sang "I Wanna Go" by Britney Spears at Smash and they all made it seem like I should be saying those words to a guy. I am the only married girl of all five of us and they expect me to forget about it. Kurt and Blaine are having some relationship problems so he's pretending to be single. Quinn is dating Adam Levine and she acts like a slut. Tina and Mike are struggling as well. Mike is in college and Tina is mad that he never spends any time with her. They think I need to move on and try to forget about you but I can't and I don't want to. I love you so much and they don't understand what that feels like. I don't sleep every night because sometimes I stay up crying or singing. Quinn hasn't gotten much sleep since when I do sleep I have nightmares and I wake up screaming and crying. I am literally in h***. Quinn was supposed to leave last week since she's been here for five weeks but she decided to just stay until her shooting for that TV-show in May. I want you to come home so bad. I am in misery and you're the only person who can comfort me. Please write back to me. You haven't called at all and I thought you said you could talk on every other Sunday. Sunday is coming up soon and I'll be sitting by the phone all day, waiting for your call. The only thing I can think about is you and death and how terrible life is. I feel so much guilt for pitying myself but I don't care because I am just being honest with myself. Quinn told me to tell you she wishes she could see you since she hasn't in three years. Santana is visiting from California tomorrow with Britt and Puck. They are super excited. I miss Santana's mean nicknames. I'll write the new ones she comes up with in my next letter. Please let me know what you've been doing and what's happened because I haven't heard from you and I'm extremely worried. Kate told me Cam said he might be able to come home for December 10_****_th_****_ through December 28_****_th_****_. Let me know if you can because then you would be home for my birthday which would mean a lot to me._**

**_With all my heart and all my love,_**

**_Rachel Barbra Hudson-Berry_**

**_P.S. I have inserted a photo booth strip from the mall. The top picture is Quinn and me, the second is Kurt and Mercedes, the third is Tina, Kurt, and Quinn, and the last one is all five of us. Please hold it close and remember me. Know that I love you. Know that I miss you so much and I'm looking forward for you to come home. I love you. Write back._**

**Rachel folded the letter into three equal rectangles and slipped it into the white envelope along with the photo booth strip. She sealed the envelope and kissed it. The letter was put into the mailbox and Rachel was left in utter silence standing on the driveway with her tears streaming down her face. She felt like screaming. **

**"You okay?" Quinn showed up behind her.  
"No."**

**"It'll get better babe." Quinn tried to comfort her.**

**"No it won't." Rachel knew what she said was true.**

**"Rach, you can't spend the next 16 months worried like this. You need to relax. Adam is gonna visit New York next week and I talked him into singing at Smash." Quinn rubbed Rachel's back.**

**"Awesome. I'm so happy." Rachel cried and walked back inside. She was scared to death. **

**Three days later (Sunday) at 11:00 AM Rachel's phone began buzzing. She felt so happy and excited so she answered on the first ring. "Hello!"**

**"Hey baby!" Finn's voice was music to Rachel's ears.**

**"Hey! God hearing your voice makes me miss you more! Ugh! How are you? How's Cam? Can you come home for Christmas? I know it's only April but still! I need you! Please come home!" Rachel talked extremely fast.**

**"Whoa! Baby, I love you, but please slow down! I have a long time to talk today. We have a…break I guess you could call it meaning we aren't fighting and the chief is letting me use my cell phone. I'm fine I guess. A little scared. Actually really scared! I'm having nightmares just like you said in that letter which I got by the way! Thanks for that! I was bragging to all of the other guys here about you and now they can see how beautiful you are! I do have your high school yearbook picture but you kind of look different now. They were all jealous and asked if your friends were single. They all recognized Quinn and were surprised that we're friends with her. Cam's good too. He's like Quinn and he can't sleep either. He misses Kate but not as much as I miss you. And I don't think I can come home for Christmas. Cam was gonna get a minor injury so he could go home for a little while." Finn answered every one of her questions.**

**"Boo. I miss you so much that I literally think I will die if I don't see you in the next eight months. Please baby? Do it for your lonely wife! You could always fake an injury, right? Use make-up for the blood and stuff. Or just say somebody shot you in the leg and you needed time to heal! I want you so bad." She sighed at the thought of being alone on Christmas. Sure she was Jewish but Finn loved Christmas and she had celebrated with him and his family for the past six years. **

**"Babe, I promise you I will find a way to come home to you but I don't know when. I love you and I want you too. I know you miss me and I miss you, too, but I can't just fake an injury. Just know that if you get an MIA notice for me it could mean I ran away because I couldn't take it anymore." He laughed and smiled as Rachel continued to explain what had happened since he left and he explained what he had done and what war was like. They laughed and talked for over two hours.**

**"So then Kurt yelled 'Oh my God Quinn you're dating Adam Levine!' and the entire mall ran over to her including a new lady and then Tina shows up with…" She was interrupted by Finn.**

**"I'm sorry babe, but I gotta go. We need to eat but I promise I'll write to you soon. Probably not until Sunday but its good enough I hope. I'll talk to you as soon as I can, I promise. I love you!" And that was the last Rachel heard of Finn Hudson for a very, very long time.**

**Hey! I hope you liked this chapter! The next chapter will be from Finn's POV. I promise! I think it will be really cool. So yeah, review and tell me what you think!**

**-Ali**


	6. Chapter 6: Life at War

**Hey! I just wanted to say thanks for all your reviews and support! I think I like where I'm going with this story.**

**Chapter 6**

**Finn's POV**

It was Monday. I was tired and scared and I missed Rachel. As much as I pretended I would be home soon, I still knew it would be another long 16 months. I was crying myself to sleep every night and when I got sleep, Cam would wake me up because I would be talking and screaming. I sound like a girl, I know. But the truth is, I didn't know this would be so hard. I miss my wife and my friends. I decided that when I get back I want to have a baby with Rachel but maybe I shouldn't have thought about it because it makes me miss her more. I couldn't believe Quinn was being so insensitive with Rachel but I appreciate her spending time with her. I was worried, however, about Mercedes and Quinn pressuring her. They were single, I knew that, and I didn't want Rachel to start pretending like Kurt and Tina. I love Kurt and I love Blaine and I don't think it's fair that Kurt's pretending to be alone. Rachel would never cheat on me, right? She loves me too much. But she's cheated on me before. God forbid she does it with Puck. Ugh. Now I'm convinced. If only I wouldn't have signed that stupid contract. If only I was still in New York. If only Kurt would convince Rachel not to cheat. It's wrong and I would freak out. Kurt knows that. So would Blaine.

"Finn, we gotta go." Cam came and nudged me.

"What if she does cheat on me, Cam? Then what?" I didn't listen to anyone else but Cam.

"You have to trust her, dude. I trust Kate. I know she wouldn't do that and neither would Rachel. Okay? Now let's go." He pulled me outside to where our chief was telling us what to do. After a few minutes we were off to fight. It was pure h***. I swore I would never let my kids play 'Call of Duty' or 'Halo'.

Cam and I made our ways toward a small shelter we saw to take a break after a few hours of running. In the distance we heard gun shots and bodies collapsing. "Dude, snap out of it!" Cam snapped me out of a day dream.

"Cam, shut up. I miss my wife and I know you miss yours too. You would know how she is if you bothered calling her! I talked to Rachel for two hours yesterday. Why don't you ever talk to Kate?" I was confused. Cam never talked about Kate unless he was giving me a pep talk.

"She said she didn't want to talk to me because it made her miss me more. I want to but I can't. Finn, you can't just live by thinking about Rachel. She has a life and so do you! And you need to protect yours if you plan on ever going home! Now let's go save our friends." Cam ran out of the building and I followed him. The gunshots flew at us and we shot ours out as well. Bodies dropped like flies and all I could think of was their families finding out about the death of their family member, the children losing fathers or grandfathers or even brothers, the mothers losing their sons, the cousins and aunts and uncles and teachers. But most of all, the wives. The women who are losing their husbands as I fight to the death with some guy I've never met. It sucks.

It was six hours later and I was sitting in a cot while Cam was looking at his few pictures he kept with him. "Do you need to see her?" He asked. I nodded and he gave me a small picture of Rachel and Kate at a fair in New York. They were hugging and doing weird faces. Rachel had her tongue out but was still smiling and Kate had her arm around Rachel and was laughing like crazy. That was that one perfect day last summer. Rachel was happy. Kate was happy. Cam was happy. I was happy. There was nothing wrong with the world that day. "Don't you have her picture?"

"It's from high school. She looks younger and she has that adorable 'I'm gonna be a huge star one day' look on her face," I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to Cam and he did the same with Kate's high school picture.

"She looks like a little girl, Finn. She has that enthusiastic look that adults don't get. Kate just looks excited and carefree. She was a singer, too, you know? She won singing competitions all the time. She was in our school's glee club. I thought it was lame until I met her. I was on the football team too. I was number six." He informed me.

"I was on the football team. I was number five. I think I still have mine somewhere. I was in glee club. So was Rachel. I met her there. I was dating Quinn Fabray. She was beautiful and she still is. But Rachel was the most beautiful girl in the entire world. It just took a while for me to figure that out. I guess we do have a similar past." I realized I had a lot in common with Cam.

"I really do miss her, you know. Kate was a huge geek." He chuckled. His voice was one of the only ones in the room. I heard a guy near us say he had a son named Joe and I started to cry. I felt terrible for that poor kid.

"I get it. I really do." I sighed and put my picture away and so did he. That was all I said to Cam for the rest of the night. I fell asleep wondering about what kind of people would _volunteer _ to be in this mess. But then I thought more. I signed up for that stupid war helper thing with Rachel to help out guys that were in the war and to sort of be like my dad. I guess there are more men like me. That's not a good reason to die. I was writing for like 15 minutes trying to figure out what to write to Rachel but I threw away like 12 pieces of paper with bad ideas scribbled on them. I was only allowed 15 pages per month so I'm pretty much screwed unless I can figure out what to say in the next three pages. I will find a way to write to her. I'll just take Cam's paper.

**Hey! What'd you think? I really like how this chapter turned out. I think it showed exactly what Finn is thinking and what he's scared of. Next Chapter: About a month later, Rachel hasn't heard from Finn in letter or by phone so her and Kate sadly go to a service at a church in Albany that prays for the soldiers who have died in the last month. Meanwhile Quinn, Kurt, and Mercedes throw a party in their absence.**


	7. Chapter 7: I'm Dead

**Hi! So here's chapter 7! I'm getting really excited about this story! Yay! I hope you like it! **

**Chapter 7**

A month passed and Rachel had learned to get by on her own. She had 15 months left of being by herself and she didn't mind living alone. She still missed Finn but she got used to the nightmares and crying and not hearing from him. She was worried but she knew she would find out somehow if something happened to Finn. Her best friend, Kate, was extremely worried but she knew Cam was fine since he wasn't _supposed_ to talk to her. Finn _was _supposed to talk to Rachel so she had a reason to be scared. Everything was working smoothly. Well, almost smoothly. Quinn was still being a pain to Rachel and Kurt was living with Rachel because he decided he needed a 'break' from Blaine. Blaine called Rachel once to ask if she had seen Kurt and she told him everything and he was _very _upset. Then Kurt got mad at Rachel so Rachel almost kicked him out but then she realized he would leave Blaine if she did and she didn't think Blaine deserved that. Her friends were terrible and she didn't want to be around them but she had to, didn't she? Quinn was living with her! It wasn't until a Friday in that May that things _really _hit rock bottom.

Rachel was sitting at her kitchen table drinking a coffee with Quinn, Kate, and Kurt when she realized something. "I'm really worried about Finn."

"Oh no, not again!" Quinn laughed.

"I'm serious. He hasn't called and he's had two opportunities. He also said _a month ago _that he would write to me ASAP. He _hasn't_! I'm kind of scared. What if he's hurt or…"

"Rachel, don't even say that, okay? He's fine. Everything is gonna be fine." Kate comforted Rachel. "But just in case Cam or Finn are hurt, I know about this church in Albany that has a service once a month that prays for the families of lost soldiers from the past month. If either one of them is dead or on their way home, we can find out." She sighed and Rachel nodded.

"Let's go this Sunday. I need to know what's going on." Rachel poured the coffee into her mug and that was the end of that conversation. Kate and Rachel were off on a weekend trip to Albany, New York in an hour.

"Hey Kurt, don't freak out, but I'm gonna invite Adam to the party." Quinn walked into the living room with her bedazzled phone in her left hand.

"OMG…OK!" Kurt tried to calm down but he was extremely loud.

"Kurt, you cannot be all over him, he is my boyfriend." Quinn threw a blanket at Kurt. "Put this on that chair."

"Perfect! I do believe this is the first time I have agreed with your interior design opinions! Congrats!"

"What am I gonna do if he's…gone?" Rachel brought up.

"He's not going to be…"

"But what if he is? I mean…I don't understand this! Why is this so unfair? I mean when did I do something so horrible to deserve losing somebody I love so much? Most women don't have to worry about this until they're like…at least 35 or 40. I can't imagine life without him! I remember how I felt at our wedding and what I felt the first time we kissed. I remember what it feels like to be safe in somebody's arms. I felt at home. I felt protected! It's all gone now. I can never love again! I can't lose him yet! I'm only 24! That's like 60 years alone!" Rachel cried onto the sleeve of her sweatshirt. She glanced out the window as the buildings flew by.

"Rach, I know you know you'll be okay! And Finn is gonna come home and you're going to…"

"But really Kate, our husbands have a one in a thousand chance of living. If Finn survives, he will be severely hurt! Just…you know I don't care. Please stop talking about it." She sighed and continued crying. They reached Albany by 12:30 and got a small hotel room at a Holiday Inn. Rachel locked herself in the bathroom for about 28 minutes. She tore a page out of her notebook and wrote:

_I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. I love Finn. _

She stopped when her hand began to hurt. Her eyes were puffy red with mascara smeared everywhere. _I'm an adult. I am mature. Although I miss Finn, I can live through it. _She threw her phone at the wall, for the billionth time since Finn left. The case popped off and the screen cracked. She started bawling and she couldn't take it anymore. _That's it I give up! I can't do this! Let me out of this life! Take me and bring me to death!_

"Rachel, come out, now. We need to talk." Kate knocked on the door and Rachel opened it with her eyes swelling up. Kate hugged her and whispered, "Babe, it's gonna be fine."

"What the h*** do you want?" Rachel snapped. Kate looked slightly offended. "I'm sorry. What do we need to talk about?"

"Sunday. What are we gonna wear? I was thinking bright colors to make the moment happier!" Kate smiled.

"Yellow and blue. I'm gonna get a snack from the store downstairs. I'll be back in 10 minutes," Rachel walked into the hallway, not caring about her appearance. She ran to the little store in the lobby and bought a sandwich. Just as she was about to leave, her name was called.

"Rachel Berry?"

"Um…what?" She looked at the man standing in front of her. His name tag said…Jesse. "Oh. Hi."

"Hey! You look terrible! What happened to you?" Jesse laughed.

"I don't want to talk about it. I have to go."

"Can I have your number first?" He begged.

"Jesse, I'm married."

"Oh yes, where is that terrible freakish man-child thing?" Jesse laughed and Rachel began to cry as she ran away, accidently dropping her hotel room key. She sprinted as fast as she could until she reached her and Kate's room. Her eyes looked red with thick, black circles around them. She was so upset, so mad at the world. She was hurt by Jesse's words. _Terrible freakish man-child thing? _She let the tears pour from her eyes and she felt herself begin to walk into the public bathroom. _I want to go home. I want to be in Finn's arms. I want to have a baby. I want to be a star. I want to visit my dads and Carole in Lima. I want to see Finn's face. I want to hear Finn's voice. I want a dog and a pool and a hot tub and a good friend and most of all, I want to know Finn's alive._ She began to think of everything she wanted but didn't have. The list went on and on but everything would be fine if she knew Finn was safe. Rachel continued to cry and think about her possibilities. _I could wait. If I wait long enough, Finn will be home and he will solve all of her problems. _She sighed. Waiting meant crying. _I could forget. If I at least try, then there will be less pain. Screw that. I'll never forget. _She looked at herself in the mirror.

_"You're the most beautiful person in the world. I love you so much. Your eyes are enchanting and your lips make me want to kiss you every second. You are sexy and so smart. I wish that I could be with you every second of my life but I'm sad to say that I can't. I love you and I'll be with you as often as I can. Rachel Berry I take you to be my wife from this time onward, to join with you and to share all that is to come, to be your faithful husband to give and to receive, to speak and to listen, to inspire and to respond; a commitment made in love, kept in faith, and eternally made new. Whatever lies ahead, good or bad, we will face together. Distance may test us for a time, and time may try us. But if we look to each other first, we will always see a friend. Rachel, look to me for all the days to come; today I take my place as your husband." Finn smiled and Rachel giggled. She mouthed the words 'I love you too.' Then she began her vows._

_"Finn, I take you to be my lawfully wedded husband. Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. I take you, with all your faults and strengths, as I offer myself to you with all my faults and strengths. I will help you when you need help, and turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life. I swear, Finn, I love you more than anything and anyone and I promise I'm forever yours, faithfully." She started to tear up. The man marrying them finished by telling Finn to kiss Rachel and he did. The whole world disappeared and it was only Finn and Rachel. _

Rachel wished she could go back to that day. She wished she could marry Finn again and be happy again. Today she felt lost and dead. She knew today was the last day she could take. She was done. Rachel Berry's life was officially over. And this time, she wasn't exaggerating and she wasn't just talking about inside.

**Hey! What do you think happened to Rachel or Finn? Next Chapter: Finally it's Saturday AND Quinn and Kurt's party. Kate finds Rachel knocked out on the public bathroom floor. Jesse reappears!**


	8. Chapter 8: Return Home

**Hey! I couldn't stand leaving you guys in such suspense! I know you want to know if Rachel is okay! Also Finn! I am really excited about this chapter! A lot is gonna happen! ENJOY! **

**Chapter 8**

Kate looked at the clock and saw it was 2:00; 27 minutes after Rachel went to get a snack. She knew something was up. She walked out of the hotel room and downstairs to the shop.

"Hello, can I help you miss?" Jesse asked Kate as she walked in.

"Hi. My friend Rachel was here about a half hour ago. She has dark hair and bangs and she was probably crying and she had mascara rings around her eyes. Have you seen her?" Kate had worry hidden in her voice.

"Oh yeah! I dated Rachel about seven or eight years ago! She got really sad and stormed out. I think she went to the bathroom." Jesse pointed toward the store's bathroom and Kate ran into it. She was extremely surprised to see what was in front of her.

"I think we should move the couch." Kurt suggested to Quinn.

"Rachel will kill us." Quinn smiled. "Let's do it!"

They moved the couch against the wall just as Kurt's phone began playing 'Defying Gravity'. "Hello?" He answered to Kate's voice.

"Kurt! You and Quinn need to come to the Albany hospital right now! I think Rachel fainted! I found her on the floor unconscious in the bathroom at our hotel!" Kate's heart was beating a hundred times a second.

"Oh my God, is she okay?!" Kurt was scared too.

"I don't know! She hasn't woken up yet! The doctor said she might not wake up at all which made me really scared! I don't know what the h*** even happened! I want her to wake up and tell me! I hope she didn't…you know…do this to herself…" Kate cried into the phone.

"I'll be there in two and a half hours! Keep me updated!" He hung up and grabbed Quinn's wrist. "We're going to Albany!"

"Why on God's good earth are we going to Albany?! The party is tomorrow, Kurt!"

"Rachel is unconscious! We need to go see her!" Kurt yelled as they ran to his car.

**Finn's POV**

I was walking on a torn up desert when my pocket on the inside of my uniform began to vibrate. I snuck behind a large cactus and saw it was 'Kathleen Cassidy' calling. I answered it knowing it would be an emergency. I had to whisper so nobody would hear me. "Hi Kate, what's wrong?"

"Rachel is unconscious! I found her in the bathroom at our hotel in Albany!"

"Why are you in Albany? Wait…Rachel is unconscious? What the f***! How did that even happen?!" I started to whisper-scream.

"I have no idea! The doctors don't know when she'll wake up and they said they don't know if she even will! Finn, she needs you! You need to come home!" Kate shouted at me.

"Fine! I need to see her now! I'll ditch the army and find an airport! I gotta warn you, I won't be there until tomorrow…" I started to tear up. What was gonna happen?

"Fine just get here ASAP! Rachel is never gonna wake up without you! I think she um…might've…you know…tried to…"

"No…Kate…stop. Rachel would never do that. Just hang tight; I'll be there by 3 or 4 tomorrow. I promise. Text me if anything happens!" I hung up on Kate and ran to a building nearby to get some cell phone service and call the nearest airport.

**Back to 3****rd**** Person (my voice!)**

Kate paced back and forth as the clock ticked. 3:00, 4:00, 5:00, 6:00. It changed so quickly as she waited and waited for Quinn and Kurt to show up. They didn't get there until 8:30. "Why are you so late?!" Kate ran to Rachel's friends.

"We got stuck in traffic. And sales. And outlet malls. And stuff we can't miss." Kurt laughed. "How is she?"

"Still unconscious. The doctor said she…uh…might not make it." Kate explained.

"Did they figure out the cause?" Quinn chimed in.

"They thinks it's an overdose of some sort of pill. She's still…alive…Finn will be here tomorrow…"

"I bet she tried to kill…herself…" Quinn sighed. "Oh my God."

"That's terrible. I can't believe she would do that to herself. Scratch that. I can't believe she'd do that to Finn." Kurt cried and sat down.

"She was mad and sad. She thought Finn was dead. He's not." Kate sat with Kurt. "It all just happened so fast. I don't understand why she didn't talk to me."

The next morning, Kate woke up on the hospital chair at 11:30 am. She wanted a coffee so Kurt got her one and while he was at Starbucks, Finn texted.

F- Hey! I was right by the airport so I got a flight to Ireland right away. I'll be in Albany by 1:00! I need to see Rach. How is she doing?

K- Hi! She's fine…same condition as yesterday. She needs you!

F- K. B there soon!

An hour and a half passed by quickly and soon enough, Finn was at the hospital. He sprinted to Kate and hugged her. "Oh my God! I need to get in there with her! Where's the nurse?" Finn was hyperventilating.

"Over there," Kate pointed at a lady in a white coat. Finn ran over to her.

"I need to see Rachel Berry!"

"I don't have anybody by that name here. Sorry." The nurse started to walk away.

"God I'm an idiot. Rachel Hudson." He followed the nurse to a room with tons of chords and wires. Rachel was in the bed with her hands together. Finn sat next to her and grabbed her hand. "Rachel, baby, it's me, it's Finn. I'm here. You need to wake up, okay? Please. I need you to wake up! Please baby, please! I love you so, so much. Come on baby! Wake up!" He kissed her hand and squeezed it. His eyes were watering. She was silent. He moved closer to her. "You're the most beautiful person in the world. I love you so much. Your eyes are enchanting and your lips make me want to kiss you every second. You are sexy and so smart. I wish that I could be with you every second of my life but I'm sad to say that I haven't been able to lately. I love you and I'll be with you as often as I can from now on. I won't go back to war. I want to stay here. No more war. I'll never leave you again. I promise. Babe, wake up. We can have a baby and get a pool. I'll buy you a dog and a hot tub and we can be happy again. You need to wake up. Please!"

Finn cried into her hand. All he wanted was for her to wake up and love him again. He felt terrible that this might've been his fault. "Baby, I'm so sorry. Please." At that moment Finn saw Rachel's eye lid move a little bit. She couldn't force her eyes open because she didn't have the strength. "Come on, baby, you can do it. Find the strength to wake up." Her right eye started to open but in a squint. Soon both of her eyes flickered open. "Baby…are you awake?"

"Am I dead?" She looked confused.

"No, Rach, you're fine. You're alive. You're in the hospital. You've been here since yesterday. How do you feel?" Finn smiled at his beautiful wife. Her hand shook in his.

"I don't know. Aren't you in the war, though?" Her lips trembled as she tried to speak.

"I left the war. I needed to see you. I'm not gonna go back. Kate told me she found you unconscious in the bathroom at your hotel." Finn kissed her hand and she smiled slightly.

"You're home? Finally," She couldn't find any more strength. "I missed you."

"Do you remember what happened?" He hoped she would say 'no' or 'I fainted.'

"I think so. I was crying. I went to the bathroom after Jesse called you something mean. Then I think I took some of Kate's Ambien. I think I took a lot. I think then I started to feel really dizzy and I tripped over my foot…then I hit the floor with my head or something. I heard you say some stuff. I heard you say your vows again and then promise me a bunch of stuff." She felt tired and dizzy and she couldn't see Finn very well.

"So you did do this on purpose?" He started to tear up. "Why?"

"I was really sad and I thought you were…dead. I knew I didn't want to be without you so I…"

"Rachel I am so sorry! I love you so much and I want you to know that I'm never gonna leave you again, okay? I can't stand knowing that this is my fault. I need to be with you always." He kissed her cheek and said, "I should get the doctor. I'll be right back."

"Rachel, you might not be able to do much physical activity for a few weeks. I prefer you stay in bed and avoid working too much. Try to rest your voice a little bit if you can. Do you live with anybody or do you live alone?" The doctor was surprised to see her awake.

"I'm married and I have a friend that lives really close." Rachel told the man. She looked at Finn who was staring at her from the doorway.

"Great! I'm gonna keep you for another night just to make sure you're okay." He walked away and Finn walked in again.

"I'm gonna stay overnight with you, okay?" He smiled and she did too. "I'm really glad you're okay."

"So am I." She started to sit up and Finn helped her. "Can you sing to me? I want to hear you sing. Your face is really blurry."

"Sure baby," Finn said as he began singing.

**Finn:**

_I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart  
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start_

You put your arms around me  
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go  
You put your arms around me and I'm home

Rachel held her breath and began to sing with him.

**Rachel:**

_How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around  
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown_

I hope that you see right through my walls  
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling  
I'll never let a love get so close  
You put your arms around me and I'm home

**Finn:**

_The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved  
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone_

you put your arms around me  
and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go

**Finn and Rachel:**

_I hope that you see right through my walls  
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling  
I'll never let a love get so close  
You put your arms around me and I'm home_

**Finn:**

_I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth  
And I've never opened up  
I've never truly loved 'Till you put your arms around me  
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go_

I hope that you see right through my walls  
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I'm already falling  
I'll never let a love get so

_close__  
You put your arms around me and I'm home_

**Rachel:**

_You put your arms around me and I'm home_

Rachel looked at Finn and he decided he needed to say something. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." She reached her hand up and caressed his cheek. Her body moved up and she kissed his lips. That was a feeling she missed more than anything in the world. Her eyes slowly shut and he let her stay kissing him for a few minutes. This was it. This was why she wanted to be alive. Finn was her reason to stay living. She lied back down and smiled. Things were gonna go back to being normal again.

**Hey. So I did it. I thought this chapter was really emotional. Don't worry, the war thing isn't over! I promise I will write more soon! I'm gonna take a little time to work on my story Forever & Always. Thanks so much! Let me know what you want to happen! Reviews make me happy!**


	9. Chapter 9: I Suck

**Hey! I'm so into this story but I was kind of stuck for a little bit :( I think I know what will happen but feel free to give suggestions!**

**Chapter 9**

The day Rachel finally could go home from the hospital was uneventful. Finn was EXTREMELY over protective. He wouldn't let Rachel get out of bed or eat. He fed her with his hands and slept on the couch to avoid accidently hitting her or flipping on top of her. She felt fine and she wanted to go back to the way things used to be. She wanted to be happy again and focus on her future with Finn and their family rather than what happened in Albany and wherever Finn was. Everything was going to be fine again and Rachel would have a baby and she would have a great time with Quinn now that Finn was home. Rachel was supposed to be on bed rest for two weeks which makes Finn think she can't move an inch. He would bring her soup and toast and steak and pizza and everything else that was sold at grocery stores in New York. Quinn had been gone filming a lot for her TV-show so Finn and Rachel were left alone to have Barbra Streisand movie marathons. Rachel blabbed about how the movies are never as good as the Broadway musicals or the original books. They watched The Notebook at least 17 times. Funny Girl was playing loudly everytime Finn went to the grocery store and her voice was blaring through the just-big-enough house. As soon as he came home she would fake sick again and hope he would stop treating her like his daughter after two weeks. That's what told her he would be such an amazing father. He was perfect with her which meant he would be an exceptional father to _her _children. She would be the 'best mother ever' as Finn said which meant their children would be fabulous.

"Finn, it's been two and a half weeks since I got back from the hospital. Can I please get out of bed?" Rachel said to Finn when they finished Funny Girl for what seemed liked the bazillionth time and she was getting tired of it. She needed to watch something else but she had already watched every movie they owned including the Bring It On series and Finn's favorite: The Fast and the Furious. They watched every chic-flic imaginable. Finn was so tired of watching stupid romance movies. He would never admit it to anybody, but he cries in The Notebook and The Last Song every single time. Rachel would cry too and afterwards they would cry together and tell each other how they are and aren't like the characters. For example they never fight like Allie and Noah in The Notebook, they don't turn on each other like Will and Ronnie in The Last Song, and they definitely loved each other so much just like Will and Ronnie or Noah and Allie. Finn and Rachel had these conversations all of the time just to keep their relationship fresh.

"I love you Rach, and I want you to get better, okay? Please just stay in bed for a few more days." He told his wife.

"Can't I just take a short walk around the city? I need fresh air and I haven't moved for days," She pleaded.

"I don't want you to try anything like this again. Just stay for a little while longer." He requested.

"Finn, I have no reason to die anymore. Please, you can come with me! I just need to get out of this house."

"Fine, I give up. Let's go." They left the house and began walking down the busy streets of New York. "I just really don't want you to die."

"I know you don't! Now that I know you're okay, I have a reason to live and somebody who loves me." Rachel kicked a rock and watched it fall into the sewer on the side of the road.

"Stop it; there are a lot of people who love you!" Finn grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Like who?" She mumbled.

"Your dads, my mom, Kurt, Burt, Quinn, Tina, Mercedes, Blaine, Mike, Puck, Artie, Will, Emma, Kate, Cam…"

"None of them love me, Finn! If they loved me, they would've been at the hospital when I was about to die! Quinn and Kurt went shopping! Cam is still in the war and didn't come home with you! Mike hasn't come to find Tina or see if I'm okay! Puck hasn't contacted us for two years! My dads didn't even care that you were in the war! Burt tried to make Carole hang up with me while we were talking about you on the phone! Will and Emma think I'm too young to have a baby! Mercedes and Tina called me a party-pooper and a selfish pig! Carole didn't care that I was dying and didn't fly to New York! The only people from that list that love me are Blaine, Kate and you! Blaine has been texting with me 24/7 since you left and I keep him updated about what's going on with Kurt! I am loved by three people! Blaine probably wouldn't care if I died because he was only contacting me because of Kurt!" She turned to Finn and stopped him by standing in front of him. Her screaming made people stare at them.

"Rachel, stop! Everybody on that list loves you! You can't do this to yourself! Stop saying that nobody loves you because even if none of them do, Kate and I both love you enough to fill all the love you need! But I guarantee everybody I said loves you!" He told her in those exact words. Sure he might get mad at her sometimes, but she was _his _Rachel and she was the most perfect person in the world. He loved her more than anything. She was beautiful, strong, caring, loving, sexy, kind, sweet… the list goes on and on.

"Why do you always say that? I'm ugly! I can't handle losing my husband for three months! Nobody cares about me! Puck and Santana always say that I'm as sexy as a cabbage patch doll! Everybody thinks I'm mean and selfish which I am!"

"You are so unconfident it drives me crazy! You are perfect! You think you're worthless but you're absolutely amazing! Why can't you see that?" Finn cried.

"People have made fun of me and called me names my entire life; they say I'm fat or I dress like a grandma that thinks she's five. I have been told I'm loud and annoying and selfish and boring and rude…if I'm so loud then why doesn't anybody notice me? I'm tired of you telling me I'm perfect when clearly, I'm just a mistake." With that Rachel burst into tears, turned around, and ran back to their house. She sprinted into the bedroom and locked the door so Finn couldn't get in. Apparently having Finn back didn't make her want to stay alive. _Hold it together Rachel. You can't do this again. Please don't do this. _She thought as she rummaged through the drawer searching for something. _Rachel, Finn loves you. He really, really loves you! Finn loves you. Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ _Finn loves you. _ She cried and ran into the bathroom. _God give me an accuse to not to this to myself! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! _Nothing happened. Rachel's clothes were soaked from her sobs. _Finn, please knock on the door because you love me! Please Finn! Kate? Quinn? Please somebody stop me! _She put her ear to the door of the bedroom to see if Quinn or Finn were home. Nope, silence. Running to the drawer with the kitchen utensils, Rachel bawled. She was so scared. She knew she would die if she tried this again. _Don't do it Rachel. You love yourself! _

_You're "perfect". _Finn's voice echoed through her screaming brain along with the many other voices.

_No you're not! You're ugly and selfish!_ Rachel's voice screeched in her mind. She slammed the bedroom door shut and locked the bathroom's. Her reflection was shining in the mirror.

_You're absolutely amazing!_

_I suck._

_You're beautiful!_

_I'm hideous._

_You're everything I've ever wanted._

_Nobody loves me._

_What will Kate do if you die? You're her only friend._

_She'll replace me. Everyone else has._

_What about your dads? They only have one daughter._

_They didn't even call me while Finn was in the war._

_Rachel stop!_

_Go now before he comes to stop you!_

Her hands were trembling as the knife cut into her wrist. Blood gushed out causing her to cry even more. _God that hurts! Why didn't I just take the pills again?! _

**And that's where I leave you! What do you think will happen? Will Rachel be okay? Let me know what you think! Review or PM! I will update later today or tomorrow. The next chapter will be hard! Lol! **

**~Ali**


	10. Chapter 10: Meeting Veronica

**Hey! I'm finally on chapter 10! YAY! I really like this chapter. It's supposed to be dramatic and suspenseful! Sorry about all the self-harm I've been doing to Rachel. It just seems right. Suicide is a very serious problem that I really like to write against. It's a very sad thing and it makes me sick to think of all the kids this happens to. On instagram, there is a #hashtag project for people who are against suicide #suicideawareness .They write a semi-colon on their wrist. Sorry I haven't updated for a while! I was really stuck on this chapter. Also sorry for the long authors note! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10**

_God that hurts! Why didn't I just take the pills again? _Rachel thought as she cut herself for the third time. She wanted to scream in pain. She scratched the knife against her bleeding skin. Suddenly the door pushed open and Finn was standing there with a worried face. He glanced down and saw Rachel's arm which made him freak out. Pulling her into his arms he began to wipe up her blood and wrap her arm in an ace bandage. Tears were pouring from both of their eyes. Finn was holding her in his arms and rocking her back and forth. She still hurt very badly but Finn made her feel a little better. "I'm so sorry." She whispered into his chest.

"Baby, you need to apologize to yourself first. You can't just leave everybody like that, okay?" He took a break and continued. "I think we need to get you a therapist."

"Okay. I was just so scared and…I…" She was still unable to talk due to the moans and cries that came from her mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"I know baby. Shhhhh." He whispered. She was hyperventilating and he was trying to calm her down. "Shhhh."

"I was so scared, Finn. All I wanted was for you to stop me and I…it was so scary. I mean…what if I would've died?"

"Baby, it's okay. Don't worry about it. I know you were scared and I know you're sorry." The sound of his voice made her cry even more. "Just promise you won't do this again. I'll do anything to help you."

"I'm so sorry!"

He took a deep breath before he answered her. "I'm not mad at you. You just need to understand that what you did is not okay."

"I know. I'm sorry. I love you. Thank you for saving me." She glanced at the vanity and saw the small pocket knife covered in blood, dripping into the sink.

"Rachel, you are fine. You're gonna be okay. You just lost a little blood. I'm gonna see if I can get you a mental health therapist or something. Are you okay with that?" He kissed her head and walked back into their bedroom to sit on the bed. Nodding, she sat next to him. "Good, because I don't want to lose you. You're the only person that I love in this world and I can't stand the thought of living without you."

"I know and I love you, too." Her eyes started to dry up as Quinn walked through the door.

"What's going on?" Quinn asked as she sat next to Finn.

"We can talk about it later. I need to make a phone call." Finn exited the room leaving Rachel and Quinn to talk.

"What happened?" She asked Rachel, hoping for an answer.

"I did it again, Quinn. I didn't use those stupid pills though. I used Finn's pocket knife. It hurt really badly and I lost a little blood but he stopped me. Long story. Not enough time." Rachel stood up and walked into the living room to where Finn was on the phone.

"Yes, hi, my name is Finn Hudson and my wife has tried to kill herself…twice now." His voice echoed through the kitchen and the bedroom. "Um…yeah…that sounds fine." Rachel sighed. "I don't see a problem with that. See you then." He was about to hang up but continued. "Rachel Berry. B-E-R-R-Y. Thank you." He pressed the "end call" button and wrapped his arms around Rachel.

"Thank you." She smiled softly. "When are we gonna go meet this therapist person?"

"At 4:00. You should go get ready. I'm coming with this time." He looked at her eyes and started to tear up.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…I just really, really love you and I'm so happy you're okay." He explained and walked back into their bedroom. They silently prepared for the appointment. Rachel added some blush to her cheeks and curled her hair. Over her just-above-knee-length, light blue with white striped sundress, she wore a yellow jacket. Finn explained some stuff to Quinn about what happened on the walk.

The 15 minute drive to the mental health clinic was silent. Rachel flipped on the radio after about three minutes of silence. After she removed her hand from the volume button, Finn turned it off. "I like it quiet."

"Well I figured since we weren't really talking we could listen to some music." And that was the only noise that went on in that car.

By the time they reached the clinic, it was 3:57. Rachel had a queasy feeling in her stomach and Finn was nervous about Rachel meeting the therapist. He was disappointed in her. She tried to kill herself twice and the second time she ran away from him. It wasn't his fault. He knew that. But then again…maybe it was. He didn't know why she did it the second time. He didn't know what she was thinking. All he knew was that she really did love him but that wasn't enough for her. She had to be loved by more than three people.

They walked into the therapist's office and she told Rachel she wanted to speak with Finn alone.

"Can you tell me why Rachel needs to see me?" The therapist, Veronica, asked Finn.

"She…um…she tried to…uh…kill herself…two times." He sighed. Finn never imagined saying that.

"I see. Do you know what motivated her?" Veronica tested.

"The first time it happened while I was in the war. Her friend called me and I came home to find her unconscious due to an overdose. She woke up soon after I got here and told me she thought I was dead. She said she didn't want to live without me and she just felt alone." Finn explained sadly. "The second time happened earlier today. We went for a walk and she said something like 'I have a reason to live now and somebody who loves me.' And then I said 'there are a lot of people who love you.' Then she asked me who and I listed a bunch of people. Then she started yelling at me and listing why she didn't feel loved by the people I listed and told me who she thought were the only people who loved her. They were me, her best friend Kate, and my gay step-brother Kurt's husband Blaine. I said that all of them love her and even if they don't Kate and I love her enough to fill her whole heart. Then she asked me why I always say stuff like that. And she said she was ugly, weak, off-putting, mean, and selfish. I told her that I thought she was perfect and her insecurities drive me crazy. I asked her why she couldn't see that. Then she brought up how people used to make fun of her by calling her fat or say mean stuff about her clothes. She said she was a mistake and then turned around and ran back to our house. When I finally got the bathroom door open, I found her looking at herself in the mirror as she cut herself with my pocket knife."

"Wow…you remember pretty well, don't you?" The lady smiled.

"I'll never be able to forget that scene. She was bawling in the bathroom with blood all over her arm and my knife. All I wanted to do was hug her and kiss her and tell her it was gonna be okay…" His eyes roamed the room.

"I see. You know, I deal with lots of women who try to kill themselves over love. Suicide is something that can happen to almost anybody. You don't always see it coming. Sometimes you're only dealing with a bullying problem or a family issue. Then it starts to get bad…and you consider the options…you think all you have to live for is gone. It happens to middle school and high school students a lot more often than adults. Especially young adults like your wife." She took a break and continued. "They don't think about their future."

Suddenly Finn buried his face in his hands. "You know she probably did. I was a huge jerk to her before I left to go to war. She kept asking me if we could have a baby and I kept saying I'd think about it but I never said we could. And then I told her I thought we were too young and immature for a baby and she got really mad. Of course she was thinking about that. She really wanted to have a family but I wouldn't give in or even say we could when I got home. I want that now, you know? I want a family with her." He managed to say through his cries.

"Finn, this isn't your fault. She wouldn't have thought of only that for her future. She loves you. I can already tell from the things you say about her. She wants to spend the rest of her life with you. She thought your life was over so she decided she wanted hers to be over as well." Veronica tried to cheer Finn up. "I think I'll talk to Rachel now."

He stood up and stepped out the door to get Rachel. "Rach…"

"Okay." She said with obvious tears in her eyes. She walked in and shut the door leaving Finn to think.

"Hello Rachel, please take a seat." Veronica wore a friendly smile as she welcomed Rachel.

"Hi..."

"Can you tell me why you wanted to die?"

"I can try. I'm really insecure. I considered killing myself in high school but I had dreams that kept me going. When Finn and I started dating people stopped calling me names because he was the quarterback and he was popular. But there were a few people who weren't afraid of him…like Quinn and Santana. I was in glee club with them and they still made fun of me. They called me fat; ugly…Santana never let me have a moment of pride. Quinn kept trying to take Finn from me and she drew mean pictures of me and made sure I saw them," Rachel whispered because she was still crying.

"I understand. What happened recently that made you want to die?" She asked.

"Losing Finn...Quinn recently came back into my life. Maybe you've heard of her…Quinn Fabray: Superstar actress and singer?"

"Right…was she being mean again?" Veronica queried.

"No. She was being friendly. She was a great friend for a part of senior year in high school. But then she came here once Finn left. And she started acting like a huge slut. I could deal with that but she wanted me to be like that too. I couldn't do that to Finn. If I hurt him like that, he would've died in the war. He would've stopped trying to stay alive. I know he loves me." Rachel sighed. "Don't start freaking out, but I don't really feel like my life has a purpose. I don't know why I didn't just keep going when Finn found me in the bathroom."

"I do. You love him. I can tell how much you love him by the way you talk. You couldn't hurt him. He would be so mad and sad if he lost you. The worst part is you don't want to die. You want to have a future with him. He wants that too. He told me he wants to have a family with you and spend the rest of his life loving you. And I know you want that too."

"I want to die."

"No you don't. Look into the future. What do you see?" Veronica quizzed Rachel.

"Me sitting by myself in an apartment with 24 cats single without kids."

"You're not gonna end up alone. He won't leave you. You're gonna have a baby and you're gonna be happy." She told her in a way that made Rachel cry more.

"No. He doesn't want that. He doesn't love me."

"Rachel he loves you. He loves you more than anything. He does want that! He told me he does. I don't think you are at a healthy place to bring a child into the world. I think you and Finn need to have an honest and open conversation. Your relationship will definitely last but in order for that to happen you need to trust him and talk to him. Just don't start trying to get pregnant yet because you and your marriage aren't at a strong place." She smiled and Rachel tried to but couldn't.

"I'm just really scared." She responded honestly.

"I know. It will get better. I promise."

**Hi! Thanks so much for reading this story! I just want to say you should read my best friend Skye's stories! She is really awesome! I've read her first story and it was really good! Skyematthews75!**


	11. Chapter 11: Our Future

**Chapter 11: Our Future**

It was about 5:30 when Finn and Rachel finally got home. They didn't talk at all. Rachel cried. Finn cried. Quinn was still filming so they were alone. Rachel lost complete contact with Kurt. She was still not sure if she wanted to live. The therapist told her to have an honest and open conversation with Finn. That was something she wasn't looking forward to. "Finn," Rachel started. "I think we need to talk."

"Okay, what about?" He smiled.

"Us…our future…what I uh…what I did." Sighing, Rachel sat at the table. Finn sat down across from her. "Veronica told me we need to have a conversation."

"Okay. Whatever you have to say, say it."

"Well I still really want to have a baby but she doesn't think we're at a healthy place in our relationship to have a child. So I think we need to just you know…tell each other everything we're thinking." That serious voice that Finn didn't like was flowing into his ears.

"I want a baby, too, Rach. I love you so, so much. I just think that we need to have a serious conversation."

"Right," She began. "I love you. I want a family with you. I'm very insecure about my personality and looks. I've realized how much you tell me I'm beautiful and perfect. I never believe you. I'm really scared about our future. What do you see when you look at our future?"

"A family, three kids, a dog, happy marriage…we have to work to get there, though. We're at that part of our marriage when it seems really hard. We want a lot of stuff that we can't have. I love you and I want to work at this." Finn smiled. "I think we should go out for dinner. Just like old times. Before, we can go see a movie."

"That sounds really fun," Rachel said excitedly. "We should go now."

They arrived at the theater just in time for the showing of 'Skyfall'. She laid her head on his shoulder and shoved popcorn in her mouth. They didn't talk through the whole movie like they did in high school. They also didn't make out like they did in high school. To be honest, he was mad at her. He didn't know why. He just was. She was scared about their relationship falling. It felt like it was being torn apart. She saw a very depressing divorce. He saw a future of children. She kept thinking about what lied ahead. She imagined how everything would happen:

_She was lying on their bed watching TV. He came in and asked her if they could talk. She nodded and stood up so their eyes could connect. He sighed and she asked what was wrong. Her eyes showed a sad expression. He looked away and finally said it. He said 'I want a divorce.' She was shocked. 'What? Why? Did I do something?' 'No. This isn't working anymore. It's too painful. Don't you feel this relationship falling apart?' He explained. _

She began to cry with the image in her mind. Finn started to picture the scene in which Rachel told him she was pregnant:

_He got home late from work and was extremely stressed. He yelled her name but didn't get a response. He started to search the house for her and finally heard her yell his name from their bathroom. He walked in and she was smiling from ear to ear. He asked what was up and she laughed, pointing to the positive pregnancy test on the vanity. She giggled again and said 'I'm pregnant!' He laughed and pulled her into a tight hug. He spun her around and kissed her. _

He began to cry with the image in his mind. They were joyful tears. He felt so happy. After a lot of crying, the movie finally finished. They walked out of the theater silently. Finn drove towards the restaurant Per Se. It was fancy and _extremely _expensive. They were seated at a table for two and were soon brought a glass of wine each. Finn was the one to break the silence. "Did you like the movie?"

"I didn't pay much attention. Did you? I know you like James Bond." She was still quiet.

"I didn't pay attention either. I was thinking about our future." He sighed.

"Oh. So was I." She sighed too.

"I think that…"

"Wait! Before you say anything, I want you to know that I love you so much and if I ever lose you I'm literally going to kill myself again!" She interrupted.

"Rach…"

"I seriously have nobody that I love besides you! A person can't live without love!" She continued ignoring his comments.

"Rach…"

"Finn, my therapist told me I need to talk to you about what I see in the future for our relationship! I need to tell you what I think is about to happen!"

"Rachel!"

"What?"

"Stop talking. I love you so much. Sure I don't act like it but I need to show it more. You are the most amazing and beautiful person I've ever met. You are perfect. I know what you're thinking. You think I want to divorce you. I'm in love with you. I can't do that. I can't live without you. Just know that. I _want _to have a family with you _right now_. I just think our first child needs to be born at the perfect time. When you stop being so insecure then I can stop worrying about your safety and we can have a baby. Sound good?" He smiled and she sighed a sigh of relief.

"Perfect!" She leaned in and kissed him passionately.

"I love you."

"I love you too! I love you so, so, so, so, so much!" Rachel smiled. She felt her iPhone vibrate in her pocket so she pulled it out to find a text from Quinn.

Q- Hey girl! How was therapy? Where r u? I just got home 5 min. ago.

R- Hey. It went fine. I feel very happy. Wanna meet Finn & me Smash?

Q- Totally! What time?

R- Like…9:30

Q- Coolz! C u then!

They arrived at 9:30 sharp. Rachel was prepared to sing her heart out to the love of her life. "Hello, I'm Rachel and I would like to dedicate this song to my amazing husband, Finn."

_Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain Once or twice was enough and it was all in vain Time starts to pass, before you know it you're frozen_  
_But something happened for the very first time with you My heart melted to the ground, found something true And everyone's looking 'round, thinking I'm going crazy_

She paused for a second before beginning the chorus to see her husband smiling at her.

_But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing_  
_You cut me open and I Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open_

_Pausing again, Rachel began the next part of the song._

_Trying hard not to hear but they talk so loud Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt Yet I know that the goal is to keep me from falling_  
_But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace And in this world of loneliness I see your face Yet everyone around me thinks that I'm going crazy Maybe, maybe_  
_But I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open  
And it's draining all of me Oh, they find it hard to believe I'll be wearing these scars for everyone to see_  
_I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you They try to pull me away but they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein that I keep on closing  
You cut me open and I Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love  
You cut me open and I Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love_

Before she sang the last line, Rachel winked at Finn and he did the same to her.

_You cut me open and I keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love_

The club went crazy and everybody high fived Rachel. She got back to Finn and Quinn after a few minutes and he kissed her five times. "Why do you have to be so talented?" He laughed.

"I love you, I swear." She giggled. "More than anything!"

**Hey! Please review! Thanks for reading! Song: Bleeding Love by Leona Lewis**


	12. Chapter 12: Jesse

**Chapter 12**

**Rachel's POV**

It was a Saturday at around 3:00. I had just gotten home from therapy. Finn was at the grocery store getting dinner and some food for our annual 4th of July party. I was just watching the news when the doorbell rang. Expecting it was Quinn, I answered, but to my surprise it wasn't.

"Surprised to see me?" Jesse smirked.

"What are you doing here?" I smiled slightly.

"You dropped your hotel key so I was able to find all of your information. You look a lot better now. Why were you so depressed at the hotel?" He had a serious case of the evil eye that was freaking me out.

"Nothing really…just some stuff with Finn and Quinn. He was…uh…in the war."

"Oh. I'm sorry. Where is he now?"" Jesse winked. I wanted to slap him.

"He's at the grocery store. Can you come back next week or something when he's here? I don't feel comfortable being alone with you." I suggested.

"I wanna talk now. Just give me a minute, Rach."

"Why are you calling me that? The only person in my life who's ever called me 'Rach' is Finn and I refuse to be called that by you!" I yelled. That was it! Rach was my nickname by my husband, not just anybody!

"I can call you whatever I want, babe."

"I swear, leave me alone! Finn is gonna kick your…"

"Shut up Berry!"

"Hudson! I stopped being called Rachel Berry six years ago. Now get out, St. James!"

**Jesse's POV**

Rachel had the most beautiful eyes. I bet Finn never told her she was beautiful. I bet he just ignores her. I bet he treats her like she's six. I bet she wants me. She wants to be with me and not that jerk. I was her first love, right? First loves last forever. He was just a rebound boyfriend. I love her. He doesn't. "Can we just catch up a bit?"

"Not right now. I'll call you." She was about to shut the door when I pulled her into my arms and kissed her. She wasn't kissing back but I wouldn't let her pull away. I pulled her into her house and forced her against the wall with my lips still touching hers.

"I could hurt you, Rach, if I wanted to. If you give me what I want I'll leave you and that Hudson guy alone for a while." I whispered. "Deal?" She was trying to get out of my grasp around her waist but I didn't budge. Our kiss continued that same way: Rachel struggling to get out and me enjoying every minute. But then I stopped. "Tell me."

"What do you want to know?!" She screamed.

"Why your eyes were all red and what happened at the hotel."

"I was mad that Finn was in the war. I thought he was dead. You were the last thing I needed that day. So when I left, I ran to the bathroom, took a lot of Ambien, and passed out. It's as simple as that." She started to tear up. I felt like hurting her.

"You're an act, Rachel. You're a tool and an act. You don't love him. You did that because of the guilt you have. You think you made a huge mistake marrying him and you…"

"You're a narcissist! I love him! I love him so, so much! He's the only person I love besides Blaine and my best friend Kate! They're the only people who love me!" She yelled. "And if I don't love him, why would I try to kill myself twice because of him, because I missed him?"

"Twice? Right. And he didn't care enough to come see you."

"He was the first face I saw when I woke up. He was restating his vows. And it was real. He was there."

That's when I kissed her again. The sparks that flew in my head were never ending.

**Finn's POV**

I walked down the street towards our house. In New York City, it's pretty hard to drive anywhere because of all the traffic; so Rachel and I tend to walk almost everywhere. I was about to enter the house when I heard Kate's voice behind me. "Hey stranger, how've you been?" She smiled in a friendly way.

"Fine, I've just been busy with therapy with Rachel. How about you?"

"I've been trying to get ahold of Cam. Do you know if he gets letters in the war?" She struggled to say.

"Yeah, I got Rachel's. Maybe he's been busy. I didn't respond to her because I ran out of paper. Maybe that's what happened to him."

"You're right. Thanks." She sighed. "Is she home?"

"Yeah, did you wanna talk to her?"

"Yeah," She started, "if you don't mind."

"Definitely not; you're family," I smiled. We walked in and the sight in front of me was unforgettable. "What the hell…"

"Finn!" Rachel ran and hugged me.

"Why is he here?" I started to freak out. She had been against the wall making out with Jesse St. Jackass while he tried to get her clothes off. Kate looked at Jesse and I saw her eyes go wide.

"It's not what it looks like, Finn! I need to explain!" Rachel hugged me but I didn't hug back.

"NO, HE DOES!" I screamed while pointing at Jesse.

Kate was shocked. "You know him?!" I ignored her.

"This was all her, not me!" Jesse stared at Rachel and she ran over and slapped him.

"All YOU, not ME!" She cried. "Get out of my house, NOW!"

"Why did you invite me over?" He winked. She slapped him again.

"GET OUT! I swear I will kill you if you don't get out right now!" She screamed.

"What is a little girl like you gonna do to me?"

"I'm strong. If I can kill myself, I can kill you."

"But you can't kill yourself because you've tried twice and clearly failed!"

"I was saved!" She bawled. I walked over to Jesse and punched him in the face.

"Get out or you'll be sorry." I said, still shocked. Kate and Rachel were hugging behind me. "I SAID GET OUT!"

"Whatever you say, Finn Hudson," Jesse walked out the door and I turned to Rachel.

"Explain, now." I demanded strictly.

"He just came and started pushing me around! I swear I didn't do anything!" She continued to cry.

"I can't believe you let him push you around like that! And why did you let him take advantage of you like that?! God Rachel, you're 24! You can't keep being so dramatic and naïve! I regret ever saying that.

"Naïve? You think I'm stupid? You think I wanted that to happen?" She yelled.

I took a deep breath. "You wouldn't have let him do that to you if you thought he would get away with it. You knew I was walking home while you were kissing that jerk! And naïve doesn't mean stupid, Rachel!"

"Screw you, Finn." She left the room, leaving Kate and me alone.

"What the hell just happened, Finn?" Kate asked.

I shrugged. "She's gonna do it again, Katie, we need to go find her."

"No she's not. She wouldn't…"

"We never thought she'd do it the first time or the second time either. I could see how she felt and what she wanted to do in her eyes. The worst part I'm so upset that I feel like I can't go save her. She needs to talk _herself _out of it." I sighed and sat on the couch.

Surprisingly, Kate sat next to me. "I hate to admit it, but you're right."

**Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while! I've been really busy with school and some friend stuff! The Jesse idea was kind of skyematthews75's. Thanks Skye! I already wrote the next chapter but I could use some good suggestions! Review or PM! Thanks!**

**~Alexis**


	13. Chapter 13: Falling Down

**Chapter 13**

Rachel slowly stepped into the bedroom. _Calm down. _She breathed heavily. _Calm down. _She thought to herself. _He's mad at me. He's gonna be so mad at me. _She fell onto the bed and took another deep breath before grabbing her phone and calling Veronica. "Hello, Veronica Well's office, how may I help you?"

"It's Rachel Berry. I'm freaking out! I just had a fight with Finn because of something my ex-boyfriend did! Now I'm in our bedroom and I don't know what to do!" Rachel expressed.

"Rachel, calm down. You're okay. It was just a little fight. It'll blow over soon. Just talk to him."

"No, I can't! I just can't do this anymore!" She cried. "I'm so tired of fighting and trying to kill myself! Why didn't I just get to do die the first time or the second time?! I wish I would've!"

"You don't mean that…"

"Yes I do! I hate my life! I don't even know why I called. I should just do it!" Rachel hung up and threw her iPhone at the door causing it to break into a million pieces. She punched the bed and slowly stepped into the bathroom.

_I'm so messed up. _She said to herself.

_I'm killing myself again._

_I want to die._

_No I don't._

_Yes I do._

_Rachel, don't do this again. You'll hurt Finn and Kate._

She dug her nails into her neck and began to bawl.

_I can't do this anymore._

She grabbed the small container of Ambien sitting on the vanity.

_Fabray, Quinn 4/10/1988_

Rachel's eyes started to tear up as she opened the safety lock. _No Rachel. Yes Rachel. _She walked out of the bathroom and into the living room where Kate and Finn were sitting. "Since neither of you actually cared enough to follow me, I suppose you would enjoy watching this." She cried as she began to pour the pills into her mouth. Finn and Kate trembled as they watched Rachel swallow. One. Two. Three. Four. Kate stood up and walked out the door before Finn could stop her. He grabbed the pills out of Rachel's hand and hugged her.

"I can't take it anymore! Stop!" He yelled. "You can't do this, Rachel! I love you!"

"No you don't! If you did you would've stopped me! I want to die! Give those pills back NOW!" She screamed and squirmed in his arms.

"No!" He threw them at the wall. "No Rachel."

"What do you mean 'no'? YES!" She pushed him away and ran to the pills.

He picked her up and kissed her lips. "I love you; now stop!"

"Get off of me! I want to die!"

"No you don't! I know you don't! Have you seen any suicide movies?" He yelled. "The people who survive always regret trying to kill themselves!"

"I won't!"  
"Well I will! I'll miss you so, so much! If you want to die, wait until it happens naturally!" He yelled while pulling her into his arms again. She broke out again and ran to the pills. She took four at the same time. Finn ran over to her and grabbed the pills, holding them too high for her to reach. She thought back to when he stole her bra and how she almost got it. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she pulled herself up. Her legs were around his waist and his hand was still too high for her to reach. She pushed him as hard as she could. He stumbled backwards and with one more push she was lying on top of him on the floor.

"Give me the pills, FINN!"

"Never!"  
"NOW!" She screamed. He picked her up off of the floor and set her down. He ran out the door and down the street to Kate's house.

"Open the door, KATE!" He slammed his fist against the door. "Now!"

Kate was soon standing in front of him. He handed her the pills and said, "Don't give them to her!"

"Ok! Fine!" Kate yelled and ran to hide the pills. "Where the hell is Quinn?!"

"Filming or on a date with Adam Levine! She's never home to help me out!" He yelled. "Kate, I can't let her die."

"I love her just as much as you do; neither can I." She sighed. They hugged and he could tell she was crying. He was too. He left later and found that Rachel left a note.

_Finn,_

_Went for a long walk. Might not see you for a while. Have a good life. I love you._

_-Rachel Berry_

He started to freak out again. Have a good life? What the hell? That's when Kate burst in the door crying. "Finn…"

"Have you seen Rachel?! Is she okay?!"

"No I haven't…just let me…" She could barely talk. "I just can't…"

"Kate, it's okay." He walked over to her and embraced her as tight and supportively as he could. She soaked his clothes with her tears but he didn't mind because he loved her. She was one of his best friends. "What's wrong?"

"He's…"

"Who?"

"Cam! He's gone! He's dead!" She bawled.

"No he's not, Kate."

"His name is Cameron L. Cassidy, right?"

"Of course."

"A general came to my house and told me he passed away last week. He's actually dead, Finn." She wept.

"Oh my God…really?" He held her close to him and she nodded. "I'm so sorry."

"It just happened so fast. I can't believe it!" She cried. "I'm so scared."

"No, Katie, you can't be scared. You'll be fine, okay? You can move in with Rachel, Quinn and me. Everything's gonna be okay. I promise." He comforted her and she felt calm and relaxed in his arms. "Do you trust me?"

"More than anyone," She whispered. "Thank you for being such an amazing friend."

"I love you and I care about you, okay?" They both smiled and she nodded. All she wanted to do was scream but at the same time she wanted to stay right there with Finn.

"I love you, too, Finn."

"You need to get out some anger. Let's go to…" He paused to think for a moment. "The top of the Empire State Building! Then you can scream as loud as you want. Sound good?"

"Perfect. Thank you," She sighed. Finn kissed the top of her head and grabbed her hand. They walked onto the street and made their way to the tallest building in NYC. On the way there they talked about Cam and Rachel. "I just wish I could've said something else to him before he left, you know?"

"I know. I wish Rachel could realize she's loved by so many people," He said as they reached the roof. Rachel was standing by the gate, looking over the edge. "Rachel?"

"Oh my God. What are you guys doing here?" Rachel stepped even closer to the fence.

"We need to express our anger." Finn looked at Kate with sympathetic eyes.

"Why did you have anger?" Rachel smiled at Finn and Kate.

"Long story. I don't want to talk about it right now." Kate answered.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm gonna go now."

"Where do you think you're going?" Finn stopped her. "I'm not letting you leave."

"I don't have to listen to you. I'm an adult and I can kill myself if I want to."

"You don't want to," Kate pointed out.

"Yes I do and you can't stop me!" She screamed before pushing herself up so she was standing on the railing.

"Rachel Barbra Hudson-Berry, get down from there right now!"" Kate shrieked. Finn joined her and together they yelled, "NOW!"

"I just want you guys to know that I love you. Tell everybody what I said as to why they don't love me!" Rachel hollered.

"Cam's dead, Rachel!" Kate interrupted.

"What?!" That's when Rachel's wet shoes slipped off. Kate and Finn ran to the edge and watched as Rachel fell to the ground.

**Hi! Please take my poll about the character Kate from this story! It will help me a lot!**


	14. Chapter 14: Fate

**Chapter 14: Fate**

Finn's whole body was shaking. He was sitting in a waiting room chair with a full, cold coffee in his hand. He hadn't opened his mouth in seven hours. Kate sat next to him, holding his free hand. Her head was on his shoulder and she was trying as hard as she could to comfort him. "Finn…"

"I don't know what to say. What do you think I should do? I tried to stop her. She didn't listen. How am I supposed to forget that? You tried to stop her, too. She killed _herself _it wasn't your fault or my fault or even that jackass Jesse's fault." He sighed.

She shrugged. Her phone began to ring the song 'Party Rock Anthem'. "Hello?" She answered.

"Hey Kate, what's up?" Quinn replied. "Finn isn't answering his phone and neither is Rachel. Is everything okay?"

"It's a long story. Can you call some of Rachel's friends? Try Blaine, Kurt, Tina, Mike, Brittany, Santana, and Puck. They all live in New York. Can you get them to the hospital soon?" Kate suggested.

"Um yeah sure, I'll be there in a half hour. I have to drive there from shooting across town. See you soon." Quinn hung up and Kate smiled.

"Finn, Rachel's friends are coming! She'll see that lots of people love her!"

"What if she doesn't wake up, though, Kate? What if she's dead right now?" Finn sighed. "Katie, I appreciate you inviting them; I really do, but what if it's too late?"

"Finn, stop. I know how you feel. I lost my husband. But you need to be optimistic. You're young. 25, right? You have plenty of time to live your own life. I promise you I'll be here for you no matter what you choose. I care about you and you need to know that you're just beginning your life. You can do anything you want to do. You could go to college or get remarried or…"

"Rachel Hudson's family?" A nurse interrupted Kate.

"Yes?!" Finn and Kate said together.

"She's awake if you want to see her." The nurse led them to the room where Rachel was attached to a ton of chords and devices. Finn and Kate rushed to her side while holding hands for hope.

"Rachel…" Finn began but couldn't continue.

"How do you feel?" Kate finished for Finn.

"I…" Rachel tried to sit up but couldn't. "I…think I…Ow!"

"Are you okay?" Kate stopped her.

"I broke both of my legs, dislocated one of my knees, broke one of my arms, broke my neck, and I have amnesia and a concussion. My head hurts really bad and I can't move anything. I'm bleeding everywhere and I already puked six times when I woke up. I don't know what's gonna happen to me." Rachel said slower than a snail.

"That's a lot. Are you tired?" Kate asked the helpless woman.

"Exhausted."

"We should leave you to sleep. Tell the nurse when you want us to come back in, okay? You need sleep." Kate and Finn left the room silently.

"Alright, you're Rachel's family?" The doctor asked.

"I'm her friend and he's her husband." Kate answered for Finn. "We're the only people she has for family here right now."

"I have good news and bad news. First, Rachel will most likely be okay. Second, we're going to have to keep her here for a while until she's emotionally and physically stable. I think we're going to send her to NYCEHH or the New York City Emotional Health Hospital. Is that okay with you? I looked at your insurance and it's free." The doctor told them. Finn nodded and Kate thanked the doctor. Without letting go of each other's hand, they walked back into the waiting room and hugged each other tightly.

"She's gonna be okay!" Kate laughed.

"We're all gonna be okay, Katie." He smiled as they sat down. After a half hour of talking, Quinn and a bunch of other people showed up at the hospital.

"Hey guys, is she okay?" Quinn asked, hugging Finn.

"She'll be fine but she broke a bunch of stuff and she's going to some mental health hospital. Kate explained because Finn was still speechless.

"Oh my God, I had no idea any of this stuff with Rachel was happening!" Blaine hugged Finn and Kate. "She tried to kill herself three times?!"

"Kurt told me about that but I thought she was seeing a therapist." Tina said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Blaine wondered while he glanced at Kurt.

"I thought he left you," Mike glared at Tina.

"Shut up, Mike!" Kurt nudged him and avoided eye contact with Blaine.

"Well I heard Hummel was pretending to be single and hooking up with a bunch of guys with Berry and Q." Santana said rudely.

"Shut up, Santana!" Kurt scowled at her.

"Well I'm glad you guys are here. She's awake now if you want to see her." Kate smiled. "I know there's some tension between a few of you but try to focus on Rachel."

"Right. We all love her a lot and we need her to see that." Finn finally said. The group left to see Rachel which left Finn and Kate alone. "You know I need you here with me. I can't do this without you so thanks…for everything."  
"It's fine. We've both lost, or almost lost, our spouses. We have a lot in common. It's fate that we're friends and if you think about it…" Kate paused.

"Our names combined make Fate." Finn smiled. "Like Quinn and Puck make _Quick _because they were a _quick _relationship, it's fate that you are my friend. I love you so much, and I if I lost you, too, I would die."

"You're all I have left." She grinned back and they hugged for the millionth time but with Fate, it was never enough. Kate pulled away first with tears fighting to fall from her eyes. "Thank you."

"We should go. Do you want me to drop you off?" He asked.

"Sure."

The drive went by fast and soon Finn decided to invite Kate over for dinner with him and Quinn. Quinn went to sleep right after dinner since she was exhausted from filming all day so Finn and Kate were left alone to talk. They talked and joked and laughed and sang and cried for eight hours until it was 3:00 AM and Kate decided she needed to go home and get some sleep. He walked her home and they said their goodbyes. At around 4:30, Finn glanced at the clock. He couldn't fall asleep. He was thinking about Cam, his best friend, who was now dead. He still had Kate and Rachel but right now, it was only Kate. She was the only girl in the world he felt close to other then Rachel. He wouldn't see his wife until she was mentally sane so right now, Kate was his best friend. She would always be there for him. She believed him when he said he loved her. A knock on the door snapped him out of his thoughts, and also scared him to death. He got up and answered it, only to find Kate bawling in front of him. "I can't sleep."

"I can't either." He pulled her into his arms and kissed her wet, blonde hair. "Do you want to sleep here?"

"Please." She cried. He led her into him and Rachel's bedroom and gestured to the bed. She crawled under the sheets followed by Finn. He wrapped his arms around her and held her there making her feel secure and calm.

"Goodnight, Katie."

"Goodnight, Finn."

And then, they both could finally fall asleep.

**Hey! So what do you think of Fate? I know you all love Finchel a lot but for now I thought this was a cool twist! Comment, Review, PM, Etc. Please! **


	15. Chapter 15: History Haunts You

**Chapter 15**

Kate woke up with a warm, loving feeling in her body. She turned to her side and found Finn just waking up as well. "Good morning," She whispered.

"Good morning," He smiled when he saw her face. Her beautiful, blue eyes, her soft hair, her perfect lips that were also curving into a smile.

"Where's Quinn?" She noticed that Quinn might find them and get the wrong idea.

"She's probably filming."

"It's Sunday morning, Finn," Kate giggled. "Let's go eat."

They got up and walked into the kitchen only to find Quinn making eggs and hash browns. "Good morning Finn…and Kate? What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep so Finn and I just pretty much talked all night. Then we fell asleep," Kate explained. "Smells good, Quinn."

"So, Q, are you filming today?" Finn asked.

"Nope! It's my day off!" Then Puck walked into the kitchen yawning. "What are you doing here?!" Quinn panicked.

"I'm eating breakfast with you guys! I sure worked up an appetite last night…" Puck laughed and winked at Quinn. She rolled her eyes and playfully nudged him. "Who's this hottie?"

"This is Kate," Finn glanced at Kate's eyes again. Beautiful. They were sparkling. The first time Finn met her, her eyes were the first thing he noticed. He never told Rachel how beautiful he thought Kate's eyes were because Rachel was the jealous type. But Kate's eyes…

"Hey Kate. Is that short for Katherine?" Puck flirted.

"_Kathleen_, actually." She corrected sassily.

"Hot. Do you have a boyfriend?" Then Kate went silent.

Finn answered for her. "Not a good time, Puck, don't talk about it."

"So is this the girl you're having an affair with?"

"PUCK!" Quinn scolded.

"I think I'm gonna go now," Kate said as she stood up and walked out the door.

"You're an idiot, Puckerman." Finn sighed as he chased after Kate. He found her on the path crying. "Kate!"

"Finn…" She bawled. "I can't stand this!

He took a deep breath. "Listen to me; you're beautiful! You're strong, smart, kind…and I love you!" Finn paused. "I love you so, so much. You need to know that, okay? And I'm here for you! I can talk to you whenever you need me! I'm here, I promise!"

The hug that followed his pep talk was as passionate as a hug can be. After a few moments, they both pulled away. He stared into her eyes and couldn't take it anymore. He leaned in slowly and kissed her lips with all of his effort and love. To his surprise, she kissed back. Their lips felt like puzzle pieces. They were those two pieces that had different colors and shapes that shouldn't fit. But when she's the only piece left, he looks closely and sees there's a little spot of her that connects to him, perfectly. His eyes closed and so did hers. They stood there kissing on the busy sidewalk for a minute or so until naturally, they both pulled away at the exact same time. "Wow…"

"Wow…" He agreed. He smiled and she smiled back. "That was…"

"Wow…" She giggled. "Just…wow."

"I was thinking the same thing," He laughed, "Was it a good 'wow' for you?"

"The best. What about you?" She answered.

"Same." There was an awkward silence for about 30 seconds. "So what happens now?"

"Finn…" Kate started but then paused.

"What?" He was eager to hear what she had to say.

"What about Rachel? We can't do this to her. I'm her best friend and you're her husband." She remembered.

"Right…Rachel…" He realized he had completely forgotten about Rachel. "I forgot about that…"

"She's really insecure. If she finds out about this thing that's going on between us she would never forgive me and she would never get better." Sighing, Kate turned around and started walking to her house. Finn followed her and continued to try and talk to her.

"Come on, Kate, we can't just pretend we aren't in love with each other," Finn pointed out. Kate just kept walking. "I love you as more than just a friend! I always have! Rachel isn't a good enough reason for you to pretend you don't love me."

Kate stopped and turned around. "Okay, fine, I love you! There I said it! And this time I mean it as something else! But Rachel is my friend and she loves you, and has loved you, for her whole life. I haven't! I was married to someone else! I might really want to be with you, but we can't hurt Rachel."

"We don't have to tell her! She'll never know!" He recommended.

"I don't know…"

"Come on, Katie, you know you want to!" He persuaded. She smirked and allowed him to press his lips against her and push her against the wall of a brick building. They stood there kissing for a half hour until finally; Kate told Finn they should leave before somebody they know sees them. They walked into Kate's house and continued kissing against the wall. Soon they were lying on her bed making out. He started to pull at her shirt but she pulled away. "I'm sorry, too soon."

"No, it's not that. I just have a…a problem with this sort of…uh…thing." She lied down on the bed and he lied next to her.

"What kind of problem?" He urged her.

"I've never really…you know…talked about it. It has something to do with my past."

"I'm here for you, remember? You can tell me anything and I'll listen." He reminded her as if he had to.

"Okay. It's something I've never told anyone, not even Cam or Rachel." She avoided telling the story. He nodded and she sighed before beginning.

_It was when I was in 8__th__ grade when I moved from Minnesota to Beverly Hills. The kids in California are different from country kids. When I moved, it was the summer after my last year in middle school. I was just about to start high school. I transferred and there was a group of girls who were really mean to me: Meg, Grace, and Alyssa. They called me names, spread rumors about me, talked about me on Facebook, and tripped me in class sometimes. It started to get really bad so that summer I transferred to an all-girls private school. I did everything I could to fit in and I did. I had a really cool friend named Erica but she graduated that year. My parents couldn't afford private school anymore so they made me go back to the public school. That year I joined cheerleading, student council, and the softball team. I started to become pretty popular from cheerleading so soon I was friends with Meg, Grace, and Alyssa. I got a boyfriend then and his name was Mark. He seemed like a really nice guy and I really liked him. He was on the football team and stuff so he was popular, too. One day after he won a big game, he threw a party. All of my friends were there. There was alcohol and I ended up super drunk. We went into his parent's bedroom and started to make out. He said, "Have you ever done it?" and I said no so he told me we should just do it so we did. I didn't even remember it the next day but I did at school the next week. All of my friends knew about it. Then a month or so later I started to get really sick. I had bad cramps and I was starting to have mood swings. Meg came with me to the drug store and I bought a pregnancy test. It was positive._

"Wow…so you had a teen pregnancy?" Finn asked, clearly shocked.

"I'm not a slut, Finn, so don't think that. I'm not done with the story."

_I didn't tell my parents and they never found out. My mom was always busy working and my dad ignored me unless I had free tickets to our school's football games .The only person who knew was Meg. But then it got hard because I started showing. I got maternity dresses and told people I was gaining stress weight. But then the morning sickness started at school and I had to tell everybody. I got used to being made fun of and being called fat and ugly and slutty. It was frustrating but I dealt with it. When summer was over, I was about seven months pregnant. I was starting my senior year pregnant and it was extremely embarrassing. But then I had the baby, gave it up for adoption, and went back to my normal life. When I graduated, I moved straight to New York City so I could get away from my family. I haven't seen my parents since then. I keep in contact with my sister, Kelly, but we rarely see each other. I met Cam when I was 19 and we got married when I turned 23. We weren't ever really intimate like a normal couple. I was never in a position that I could possibly get pregnant. I haven't had sex ever since that night after the football game._

"Wow…I had no idea…I'm so sorry…" Finn comforted Kate.

"It's fine, it's over, but I just haven't been able to forget. Oh God now you're probably gonna think I'm one of those girls who's waiting for the right time to kind of re-lose her virginity!"

"No, Katie, I would never judge you. You don't seem like a virgin at all to me. But wow…Cam must've really loved you if he held on that long." Finn tried to joke. Kate smiled. She had tears in her eyes.

"I'm so glad I finally told somebody."

"Me too, thank you for telling me." Finn kissed Kate's cheek and she responded with a kiss on his lips. They continued to make out and eventually, Kate let loose and they ended up doing other things J

**Hi…okay…so I know all of you Finchel fans are going to be super mad at me…but I thought it would be interesting to see Finn and Kate together. After all, it is Fate! LOL**

**So what do you think of Kate's history? PM or review please!**


	16. Chapter 16: Falling Apart Every Day

**Chapter 16**

Finn and Kate lied next to each other with happy expressions. They were both trying to catch their breath. Kate couldn't believe she had actually done that after seven years. Finn couldn't believe he had actually done that after seven months with someone other than Rachel. "Wow, Katie…"

"That was nice…" She trailed off. "I'm a terrible person."

"What are you talking about?"

"She loves you. She loves you…the way that I don't love you! I love you in a way that's different than Rachel. I don't think of you as anything other than my best friend! I can't believe I'm doing this to Rachel! This isn't fair to her, Finn!" Kate stood up and walked to her closet to put on some clothes. "I am a terrible person."

"I don't understand you. A few minutes ago you were all over me and now we're talking about Rachel again! We don't need to tell her! This can just be a short relationship for while Rachel's in the hospital."

"This isn't like that, Finn! This is an affair! You're cheating on her! And worse, with her best friend!" She started to raise her voice. "I'm sorry but this is just a one-time thing."

"I'm the only person you've told your history to. We have a ton in common. We love each other. We trust each other…how can you just forget that this ever happened?" He rolled his eyes.

"Finn, I…"

"Save it. I'm gonna go visit Rachel." Finn stood up and put his clothes back on before slamming the door shut. Kate sat on her bed and began to cry.

Finn walked down the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets. He felt like punching someone. He was literally in love with Kate and he didn't know what to do about it. Quinn and Puck were busy talking so they didn't mind Finn leaving to see Rachel. He arrived at the NYCEHH by 2:30 and was nervous to talk to her. "What are you doing here?" Rachel asked him.

"I came to talk to you." He said as he sat down in a comfy chair in her room. "Why did you do this?"

"Do what?" She was shocked by his question.

"You know… why did you kill yourself the first time instead of talking to Kate? Why did you kill yourself the second time instead of listening to me? Why did you kill yourself the third time when you knew we were going to have an amazing future together? Why did you hurt me like this? Why did you hurt Kate? Why did you let Jesse take advantage of you? Why did you do any of the stupid stuff you've done? Why do you want me to suffer? Why the hell are we still married if we're having so many problems?!" Finn started to yell. He wanted her to know how mad at her he was. "Why do you want a baby so bad? You're so mentally insane that your kid would hate you! You're always trying to find a reason to hate me! Why can't you ever be sorry or happy for me? Why can't you forget your past and grow up?!"

"Why are you yelling at me?" She asked calmly.

"Because I'm mad at you, Rachel, can't you see that?!"

"Of course I can see that, Finn, but do you really have to yell?" She complained. "My ears hurt."

"Whatever. You know…this was a stupid idea. I don't even know why I'm here. Wait…yes I do. I want you to think about how much I loved you two months ago and how much I love you now. Compare it. Then take a look at yourself and me and even other people in your life like Kate and Quinn and try to figure out what's really going on here." Finn suggested before walking out of the door and soon, out of the hospital. He ran to his car and sat there thinking for 13 minutes. Once he got home, he locked himself in his bedroom and decided to see what was in Rachel's nightstand drawer. He saw a few pictures of him and Rachel from trips they took, their wedding, their honeymoon, and all of the time they spent together. Then he came across a book. It was long, almost 460 pages. The first 25 pages were notes about everyone in her life.

_Finn Hudson_

_September 17__th__, 2003_

_I met him in glee club today. He seems really nice. He's really talented and we have amazing chemistry. I have to say he's really cute and I sort of like him._

_September 21__st__, 2003_

_Finn and I sang our first official duet today: Don't Stop Believin'!_

_September 30__th__, 2003_

_OMG! Today, Finn kissed me! He actually kissed me! It was amazing and perfect! He kissed me! YAY! But then he ran off and I was super embarrassed…_

Finn flipped a few pages and read some more.

_January 19__th__, 2005_

_Okay…Finn proposed to me today. I mean like an actual proposal! How awesome is that?! My dads are gonna kill me if I say yes! But I want to soooooooo bad! I mean…I love Finn! I want to marry him! I'm so excited!_

He started to cry a little as he flipped to page 23.

_Kathleen (Kate) Cassidy-_

_September 8__th__, 2006_

_I met a really nice girl who's my neighbor today. Finn and I were just walking down the street and she introduced herself to us. She's the kind of girl I would've been jealous of if I was in high school and still scared of losing Finn. Anyways, she seems nice and I hope I'll get to know her soon! _

Finn flipped a few more pages and saw a title that said 'Hopes and Dreams'. He read the first page.

_Marry Finn Hudson! He is the most amazing guy ever and I can't believe he's actually MINE! I love him so much!_

Finn's yearbook picture was taped to the bottom with pink hearts around it. The next page was all about Broadway. Then came the baby page.

_Have a baby. I want a baby more than anything right now. And to have a baby with Finn is amazing…but he doesn't want to. I thought it would be fun to have a baby. I guess not._

He sighed before flipping to a section titled 'Quotes & Pics'. There were pictures from magazines of beautiful women and babies and men and families and food and clothing and furniture. There were quotes from books and movies and newspapers and magazines and just quotes that her friends had said.

_A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. _

_-Dave Meurer, "Daze of Our Wives" 6/5/2006_

_In youth we learn; in age we understand. _

_-Marie Ebner von Eschenbach 6/9/2006_

_Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. _

_-A. Sachs 6/7/2013_

_"I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me."  
-David Levithan, Will Grayson, Will Grayson 6/10/2013_

_"Sometimes even to live is an act of courage."  
― Lucius Annaeus Seneca 6/18/2013_

_"I'm the girl nobody knows until she commits suicide. Then suddenly everyone had a class with her."  
― Tom Leveen, Party 6/28/2013_

_"We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire."  
― George Sand, Mauprat 7/3/2013_

Finn stopped reading when he realized she had only written the rest of the quotes about suicide. He was crying now. He couldn't believe she had written all of this stuff. There was a section for diary entrees, photo booth pictures, notes from friends, and every little thing you could imagine. Slowly, Finn put the book away and remembered Rachel, how happy she used to be, how fun she was to be around, how beautiful she was…he loved her but not right now. Their marriage was falling apart and so was Finn. Even though she was the one who tried to die, Finn was dying a little more than she ever did every day.


	17. Chapter 17: Resolving Differences

**Chapter 17**

Finn glanced at the clock. 3:15 AM. He hadn't been able to fall asleep. Happily, Finn picked up his phone just as it buzzed telling him he had a new message. It was from Kate.

K- Hey. Can't sleep. Can I come over?

F- Sure.

Within five minutes Kate was standing in the doorway to Finn's room. "Hey," She smiled. "I assume you couldn't sleep either?"

"No."

"Finn, we're good friends. You can't let one little thing ruin that, okay? Now tell me what's wrong. I'm here and who else are you going to talk to?"

"Fine. It's Rachel." He began. "I'm so scared."

"Of what?"  
"The future. I used to see the future as something to look forward to, you know? Now all I can think about is maybe life would've been better if we had never met, Rachel and me, I mean," He explained truthfully.

"I know."

"I mean she would be famous. I'd probably be a football player or something…"

"Finn, you and Rachel are meant to be together. Our names might spell fate but you and Rachel _are _fate. And the future can change, but fate can't." Kate's advice made Finn smile. "If you had never gone to WMHS, and Rachel was a big Broadway star, and you were a famous football player, you would be on the Jets or the Giants, and you two would meet at some bar or something. It's fate. It wants what it wants, and it wants Finchel."

"That was great advice but I still don't know. If 'fate wants us' then how come we have so many problems?" He asked seriously.

"You may think you're better off without her and she's better off without you but really, don't you see how torn up you would've been if she would've died?"

"Well she's practically dead and I'd be fine. I'd move on. I already have."

"Only to me. That doesn't count, Finn," Kate said, "If things don't work out between us, you'd be screwed. You wouldn't have any friends or anyone to love."

"What do you suggest I do?" He said, irritated.

"Tell me what happened with Rachel yesterday."

"Fine. I got there. She asked me what I was doing there. I asked her why she did it. She asked me what. Then I told her a long list of stuff and I started yelling. She told me not to yell. I said I didn't know why I came but then I said I did. I said 'I want you to think about how much I love d you when I got back two months ago, and how much I love you now.' I told her to compare them. Then I said to take a look at herself and me and you and Quinn and everybody else in her life and try to figure out what's really going on." He told her in perfect detail.

"What do you want her to figure out, exactly?"

"Why I don't love her as much anymore, I guess," He shrugged. "I don't know. I have so many reasons and I practically told her all of them."

"Let's go," Kate grabbed Finn's hand and pulled him to his closet. She threw a pair of pants and a T-shirt at him. He stood there waiting for her to explain. She walked over to Rachel's closet and put on one of her T-shirts and her jeans. "Hurry up!"

"Where are we going at 3:30 in the morning?!" He complained.

"We're going to see Rachel."

"At 3:30 in the morning?!"

"We're walking!" She yelled as if it was obvious. Finn groaned before getting dressed. By the time they got past all of the traffic and other walkers and arrived at the NYCEHH, it was 7:18. They had been walking for more than three hours. "Hello, I'm Kate Cassidy, here to see Rachel Hudson-Berry."

"She's down the hall in room number A6. Good luck," A crabby lady told Kate and Finn.

"Thank you," They said as they ran down the hall. "Rachel!"

"Hey Kate…and Finn. I don't want to talk to you." Rachel sighed before saying 'ouch' and looking at her leg.

"Kate, just say what you wanted to say so we can get out of here." Finn rolled his eyes.

"Rachel, do you ever have regrets?" Kate started.

"I regret a lot of stuff."

"Like what?" She quizzed.

"First, marrying Finn. Second, not singing 'Don't Rain on my Parade' for my _Wicked _audition. Third, not taking as many of your pills as I could when we were in Albany. Fourth, not trying hard enough when I was cutting myself. Fifth, not just taking Quinn's pills instead of making you guys watch." Rachel mumbled.

"Regrets, Finn?" Kate asked.

"Signing up for that WSSF thing." (Just so you know, WSSF stands for We Support Soldiers Foundation) Finn sighed. "That's it."

"What do you think would be different?" Kate looked at Finn again.

"We'd still be happy. We'd be watching Quinn on the David Letterman show or see her sing a duet with Justin Timberlake. We'd love each other every minute. I'd be thinking of you as if you were a part of me. And you are. You're sometimes the only thing about me that I like. The problem is, lately I haven't liked anything about you. In fact, I kinda feel like I don't even know you anymore. And that's weird because I thought I knew everything I could know. Right now you're all crippled up and you look like a stranger." He sat in an uncomfortable hospital chair next to Rachel's bed as he told her how he felt.

"The feeling's mutual," She agreed.

"What are you talking about? I'm the same guy I was seven months ago and look at you. You're wearing a cast on almost our entire body! You're in a mental hospital! The Rachel Berry that I knew before I left is not the same person as whoever's sitting in this room right now. I don't like this person. I want the girl that I married when I was 18 back."

"Well I'm a different person now. I grew up." Rachel argued.

"In the last seven months? You were already grown up when I left, Rach," He looked at Kate. She sat next to him in another seat. "I miss my Broadway girl. I miss my beautiful Rachel Barbra Berry. I miss you. Somewhere in you is the Rachel. Find her. Then tell me you're back."

"Okay…" She started but he stood up and walked out of the room. "Bye."

"I'm gonna go now…" Kate began to stand up.

"Wait…why do you seem different?"

"Um…new shoes!" She laughed.

"No it's not that…are you wearing my shirt?" Rachel finally noticed.

"We must have bought the same one!"

"No…this is the shirt I wore to my wedding reception…my name is written on it. Look at the bottom corner. It says 'Finn and Rachel forever 2007'." Rachel pointed out. "Why are you wearing my shirt?"

"It's the first thing I saw in your closet…"

"Why were you in my closet?" She asked, shocked.

"I was…uh…I couldn't so sleep so Finn told me I could come over. We just talked about some stuff. I didn't want to go home before coming here so I just put your shirt and jeans on."

"Why weren't you dressed when you went to my house?"

"Because I had my pajamas on." Kate was nervous. She did nothing Rachel would kill her forever…in the last 10 hours. But if Rachel found out what she and Finn did the day before, Rachel _would _kill her, literally.

"Why?"

"It was three in the morning."

"You did something bad. I can sense it. What did you do?"

"I have to go. Get better, Rachel." Kate ran out of the room while trying to catch her breath. Her heart was beating as hard and as loud as thunder. She got outside and haled a taxi. She couldn't think straight about anything. The world was spinning around her. Light up signs for _Mama Mia! _and pizza parlors and _West Side Story _and boutiques blurred in Kate's eyes as she began to cry. Soon she was dialing Finn's number.

"Hello?"

"Thank God you answered! Meet me at _Smash _in 15 minutes!" She exclaimed before hanging up. Her heart was racing and all she could think about was what Rachel was gonna do when she found out her best friend slept with her husband. The taxi pulled into _Smash _and Kate threw a 50 dollar bill at the driver. "Keep the change!" She ran into the building and sprinted to the DJ. "I need to blow off some steam! What do you got?"

A DJ with a flat voice asked, "Um…is it like romantic steam or like mad at your family steam or like you lost a big game steam or like…"

"Just pick something! I don't care! I just need to sing something!" She yelled.

"Okay…I think this song will work. It's like romantic steam so yeah…the words will appear on all of the screens in the room and…"  
"I don't need the words!" She screamed as she ran on stage.

_Don't you feel like trying something new  
Don't you feel like breaking out or breaking us in two  
You don't do the things that I do  
You want to do the things I can't do  
Always something breaking us in two_

You and I could never live alone  
But don't you feel like breaking out  
Just one day on your own  
Why does what I'm saying hurt you  
I didn't say that we were through  
Always something breaking us in two

They say two hearts should beat as one for us  
We'll fight it out to see it through  
I say that you won't be too much fun for us  
Though it's oh so nice to get advice it's oh so hard to do

Could we be much closer if we tried  
We could stay at home and stare into each other's eyes  
Maybe we could last an hour  
Maybe then we'd see right through  
Always something breaking us in two

The crowd went wild and Kate bowed. She was soaked from the sweat on her face. She smiled when Finn walked in with Quinn. Everyone in the room turned to Quinn. Finn ran to Kate. "What happened?"

"Rachel almost got it out of me!" She yelled. "I almost told her what happened yesterday!"

"Katie, everyone is listening to you! Quiet down!" Finn said.

"Fine! I just wanted you to know! She's gonna find out!" Kate said only the slightest bit quieter.

"Find out what?" Quinn asked.

"Um…" Finn started but couldn't continue.

"Nothing! We didn't do anything!" Kate, the terrible liar, told Quinn.

"You…together…did something? What did you do?" Quinn started to get suspicious.

"It's not what you think, Q, we didn't do anything bad. Kate just doesn't want Rachel to know she borrowed her shirt without her permission." Finn, the great liar, told Quinn.

"That's not it. Kate gave it away. Plus a few days ago when Puck said it…duh! You guys _are _having an affair, aren't you?!" Quinn smiled. "So you slept together? Gross."

"Katie, you're a terrible liar." Finn informed Kate as if she didn't already know.

"Don't worry. I love Rachel. I won't tell her. But don't do it again or I'll make sure Rachel kicks both of your asses!" Quinn grinned. "Now, Finn, let's go sing a duet!"

**_Quinn:_**

_Right from the start  
You were a thief  
You stole my heart  
And I your willing victim  
I let you see the parts of me  
That weren't all that pretty  
And with every touch you fixed them_

Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh  
Things you never say to me, oh, oh  
Tell me that you've had enough  
Of our love, our love  
  
_Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts  
We're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
_  
**_Finn (Quinn):_**

_I'm sorry I don't understand  
Where all of this is coming from  
I thought that we were fine  
(Oh, we had everything)  
Your head is running wild again  
My dear we still have everythin'  
And it's all in your mind  
(Yeah, but this is happenin')_

You've been havin' real bad dreams, oh, oh  
You still lie so close to me, oh, oh  
There's nothing more than empty sheets  
Between our love, our love  
Oh, our love, our love  
  
**_Quinn and Finn:_**

_Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
I never stopped  
You're still written in the scars on my heart  
You're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again_

**_Finn (Quinn)*Both*:_**_  
(Our tear ducts can rust)  
I'll fix it for us  
(We're collecting dust  
But our love's enough)  
You're holding it in  
(You're pouring a drink)  
*No nothing is as bad as it seems*  
(We'll come clean)_

*Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts  
That we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again

Just give me a reason  
Just a little bit's enough  
Just a second we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again  
It's in the stars  
It's been written in the scars on our hearts  
That we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again

Oh, we can learn to love again  
Oh, we can learn to love again  
Oh, oh, that we're not broken just bent  
And we can learn to love again*

"Wow! That was awesome!" Quinn laughed. "Thank you to the wonderful world of Quinn Fabray fans!"

"And Finn Hudson fans if there are any out there!" He grinned and laughed with Quinn. Kate cheered. "Thanks to my only fan, Kathleen Cassidy!"

"We're here all week!" Quinn smiled. Together, Finn and Quinn walked off of the stage. "That was so fun!"

"Get used to it, Q," Finn laughed.

"Quinn Fabray, can I have your autograph?!" A teenage boy asked.

"Why no?" She smiled. Her hand whipped across the paper he held in his hand. "Quinn Fabray: Keep Dreaming!"

"Thank you so much!" He grinned and ran away.

"Kate, Finn, be prepared for paparazzi when we go out now." Quinn warned. Sure enough, a swarm of people in lack with cameras and microphones.

"Quinn Fabray, who are these two?!"

"These are my friends, Finn and Kate."

"Is it true that you're pregnant with Adam Levine?"

"No."

"Are you two getting married?"

"Not anytime soon!"

"When does your first episode of _The Disappearing _air?"

"November 3rd." Quinn answered. The questions just kept coming and soon Quinn started to walk away.

"What happened to your friends Rachel, Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes?"

"I have to go, bye! All you need to know for the news is I love my fans and I love to sing!" Quinn climbed into her limo followed be Finn and Kate. They drove back to the hospital where Rachel was staying because Quinn wanted to see her. They got there within minutes. Quinn was stopped by more paparazzi so Finn and Kate decided they might as well go in without her. After what Kate had given away to Rachel and Quinn, she was nervous about Rachel finding out her and Finn's secret. Finn was the first to speak.

"Hey Rach."

"Why are you here again?" Rachel continued watching the TV.

"I'm gonna go find Quinn," Kate said as she left the room.

"Quinn wanted to see," Finn responded.

"Oh…do you want to talk?"

"Sure."

"Do you really not love me anymore?" She asked, slightly hurt.

"I don't love the way you've been acting lately. I don't love that you don't love yourself. I still love _you_, though." He explained. "Do you still love me?"

"I don't love the fact that you can't see why I've done what I've done."

"I can see why. I just don't think you thought it through before you tried to kill yourself. There are a million reasons why you need to stay alive."

"Name one." She said crabbily.

"I love you. That should be reason enough. And I don't care that you feel like nobody loves you because I'm your husband and you should only care what I think. My job is to love you when no one else does. Would you have still killed yourself if I was in the war but you were on Broadway?"

"Probably."

"No. You love Broadway more than me. You always have. You always will. You don't like getting turned down by Broadway everytime you try out." He explained something that made Rachel begin to cry.

"No…Finn…I love you so much more than Broadway!" She cried. He grabbed a Kleenex and started wiping the tears off of her face. "I do…"

"I know you say that but it isn't true, okay? I know you. You've loved Broadway for longer."

"Yes but that was before I knew you! Finn…" Rachel opened her mouth but couldn't speak. "Finn…"

"Rachel, I love you."

"I love you, too, Finn, a lot."

"Good. So we're good?"

"Never been better." She smiled. He leaned in and kissed her lips. They both smiled. After weeks of a disastrous relationship, they both felt happy. All it took was one kiss.

**Wow…done. Finally. School just got out last week and I haven't checked your reviews that much but then I started checking them and I realized how mad you guys are at me! Lol. This Fate thing is and always will be just an amazing friendship, I promise. And not to spoil anything, but since this is a Finchel story; it will end with a Finchel happily ever after. And yes, Rachel will find out that Finn cheated on her and will be super mad at Kate more so than Finn. But Kate will explain that she's never seen Finn as more than a really good friend and he was just trying to comfort her. Thank you for being such loyal readers! Keep reading! And if you have any questions or ideas, PM me please! Reviews are awesome too! Thanks!**

**~Alexis**


	18. Chapter 18: The Truth is Out

**Chapter 18.**

Rachel was still in the mental hospital and Finn hadn't visited her much. He tried to call her often but he understood that in order for her to get better he needed to let her. He had been spending lots of time with Quinn and Kate. They both loved Rachel as much as he did and he needed people like that in his life. "Do you have any queens?" Kate asked Finn.

"No," He smiled. She sighed and grabbed another card from the center of the table. "I'm tired of this game. Do either of you want pizza? I could order one."

"Totally," Quinn and Kate said together. Finn left the room to call a pizza delivery place and came back within minutes.

"We haven't really gone to see Rachel lately. I think I will tomorrow," Finn told the girls.

"Cool," Kate smiled. "I'll come with you."

"I wish I could but I'm filming tomorrow. Sorry!" Quinn said to her friends. "Do you really think it's a good idea for you to go together? I mean…you don't want Rachel to…"

"It's fine; she won't suspect anything," Finn sighed. He really loved Rachel. Sleeping with Kate was a bad idea. Duh. But did he really regret it? No. He was glad that he was able to be there for Kate. Everything he did with her was as a friend. He never saw her as a girlfriend or anyone that could be close to him in the same way as Rachel. He just had mixed emotions. Kate was there and Rachel wasn't so he started to see himself without Rachel. It was a mistake. He loved Kate but just as an amazing friend and he knew she felt the exact same way.

"If you say so," Quinn smirked.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rachel was listening to music when Kate walked in. Finn was in the bathroom so he wasn't with her. "Hey Rach," Kate started off. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," Rachel smiled back at her friend. "How about you?"

"Okay," Kate grinned. "I miss you, though."

"I miss you, too."

"Finn and Quinn aren't very fun," Kate joked.

"Together they never are. They have a tough history," Rachel explained.

"I do, too, and I think I should tell it to you," Kate took a deep breath. Rachel nodded and Kate began. She told Rachel everything she told Finn about her history. "I haven't actually…you know, physically, been intimate with anybody since then." Kate finished the story by saying. She couldn't take lying to her best friend anymore. She had to tell her. "Until about two weeks ago."

"What? With who?" Rachel asked, shocked by her friend's unknown past.

"You have to promise not to freak out and murder me," Kate warned, nervously. Rachel saw where that conversation was going. "It was Finn. I was mad about Cam dying and I was freaking out so I told him about all of this stuff and it sort of just happened. I'm so sorry! I'll never do it again and I promise you I don't see Finn as anything other than an awesome friend!"

"You're kidding, right? You're the only person I could trust through everything in my life. You're the only person who understood what I was going through and you slept with my husband? I'm in a damn mental hospital, Kate!" Rachel raised her voice.

"Rachel, I…"

"Save it! Get out! Now! Don't ever come back!" Rachel cried.

Kate started to cry as well, "For what it's worth, I'm really sorry. You're the only person I feel this close to and I ruined it. I'm so, so sorry." Kate started to bawl and ran out of the room. She ran into Finn in the hall and he stopped her.

"Whoa, Katie, what's wrong?"

"I told her, Finn. I told her and now she hates me. She never wants to see me again." Kate collapsed into Finn's arms and he rubbed her back, comfortingly.

"Shhhhh, calm down. It's gonna be okay," He held her in his arms and kissed her head. "Everything's gonna be okay."

Finn helped Kate get back to the car and she sat in the passenger seat while he buckled her seat belt and moved to his seat where he buckled himself in and began to drive back home. "I'm so sorry, Finn," Kate cried. "I ruined everything."

"No, Katie, you didn't do anything. She would've found out eventually. It's not your fault." Finn calmed Kate down.

"No, Finn, no, this is all me…this is all my fault…she hates me. I betrayed her. I'm her best friend. I'm not supposed to do this to her," She sobbed. They reached Finn and Rachel's house within a few minutes and he carried her into the house and into him and Rachel's bedroom. He laid her on the bed and lied next to her, taking her in his arms as she lost all of her tears. They laid there for hours as Kate cried and Finn held her, comforted her, and told her everything was going to be okay. Soon, Quinn got home and found them in the bedroom together.

"What's going on?" Quinn saw Kate was crying and sat next to them on the bed.

"Not a good day. Can I talk to you for a second?" Finn asked Quinn. She nodded. "Katie, stay in here. I'll be right back."

Finn and Quinn walked into the kitchen and began to talk. "What the hell happened?"

"Kate told Rachel."

"Oh…I see. What did Rachel do?" Quinn asked.

"According to Kate she told her she never wanted to see her again. Apparently Rachel also hates Kate. I don't know what Rachel's gonna do to me. I'm really scared and I feel so bad for Kate," Finn explained.

"I get it. She is probably really mad. I'll talk to her tomorrow. Maybe I can convince that what you did was to comfort Kate. She was having a bad week…well…year, and she needed you. Rachel wasn't there to talk to her so she talked to you instead. I'll try to explain to Rachel. Don't worry. I'll take care of it." Quinn smiled and walked into the guest bedroom. Finn walked back into the room with Kate and returned to his position holding her.

"Katie?" Finn saw Kate was dozing off.

"What?" She managed to say.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

**Okay. I know you people probably all hate me by this point. But everything will work out eventually. I promise. It will be a slow process for both Finn and Kate to win back Rachel's trust and Quinn is gonna be a huge part of it. Kate is not a bad person. She had a tough life. She's my made up character and I love her. There's lots of her past that I made up that I haven't written about yet but I will eventually. And her husband died just in case y'all forgot. LOL. I swear everything will work out. I'm trying to add some more drama to the story! Also shout out to FinchelFan728 for always supporting my story and trusting that everything will work out. The rest of you, try to keep your criticism constructive please! One of my best friends Maddy just got a Fanfiction account so you should check out her stories! Thank you so much! Review or PM! For ideas or criticism, please PM me. Thank you! I like to keep that kind of stuff private. Thanks again! Please keep reading!**


End file.
